Reconciliation or annihilation
by goldenspringtime
Summary: Xander and Buffy had a falling out some years ago. Years later Buffy tries to mend the fences but finds out that Xander has something that he didn't have before. Now Finished! Continued in Em Harris.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy The Vampire Slayer or Supernatural

Summary: Xander and Buffy had a falling out some years ago. Years later Buffy tries to mend the fences but finds out that Xander has something that he didn't have before. Some Buffy and Xander bashing. Supernatural crossover.

Spoilers: Up to the series finale for Buffy. Supernatural spoilers are up to the second season.

Author's note: This thing had been on my computer for forever I thought I should probably let it see the light.

There was a knock on the door. Xander put the cup of juice he had in his hand, and his newspaper down. He really hoped it wasn't an annoying sales man. It was his day off and he planned spending as much of it at home as he could. Xander sighed and got up and went to the door. Usually he would stare into the peep hole until he thought they meant no harm, but today he just wanted to get whatever this was, over as soon as possible.

He opened the door and his facial features hardened. Standing in his door way was none other than Buffy Summers. Six years ago he would have been happy to see her, but he was decidedly less happy now. She looked the same as she had the last time he had seen her, except for a few more lines on her face. He shook himself out of his thoughts.

"What are you doing here? "he demanded angrily. Whereas, Buffy was smiling nervously she responded with

"I was kind of hoping for a hi." she raised her hand up nervously.

"What are you doing here?" Xander repeated with a growl. Buffy cringed slightly, and smiled overly cheerful.

"I wanted to see you." Xander face didn't change at all; the hostility was still there plain to see.

"Why?" her smile toned down slightly.

"I haven't seen you in six years, I've missed my Xander shaped friend." she said seemingly earnestly. Xander however turned around in a circle and snorted.

"Are you just going to leave me out here, or you going to invite me in." she asked. He was silent for a minute thinking, and then backed away from the door, the Sunnydale version of saying come in. She came in and looked around the house.

"Nice house." Xander didn't say anything, just starred at Buffy in a way that seemed to make her really uncomfortable. Then as Buffy starred at Xander she suddenly exclaimed.

"Oh my gosh Xander you have two eyes." she reached towards his eyes but he batted her hand back.

"Xander?" she looked hurt, touching her finger like it had been burned.

"Yes I have two eyes." Xander said annoyed.

Just then a girl about 5 skipped in the room and skipped over to Xander. She had black hair and hazel eyes and looked quite a bit like Xander.

"Daddy, Daddy! Can we go to the store and buy ice cream." she suddenly seemed to notice Buffy.

"Daddy? Whose is she?" The look on Buffy face transformed from confusion to shock.

"Em." Xander said with a sigh, he knew what Buffy was going to ask.

"Daddy? You have a daughter why didn't you tell me?" she looked hurt.

"First of all Buffy, I don't owe you anything. And second of all you can't just come here, after all this time and demand answers."

"I knew things were bad with us, but I never thought that you wouldn't tell us when you had a daughter.

"As always you underestimated how mad I am at you." He said fighting to keep from yelling at Buffy in front of Emily. She didn't seem to notice and asked another question.

"Does Willow know?"

"I haven't seen Willow, since the last time I saw you." Xander replied through gritted teeth.

"Why haven't you told me?"

"You didn't and don't deserve to know." Xander snapped. Buffy indigence faded to sorrow.

"Xander..."

"What! What Buffy!" Xander losing his fight not to yell.

"Daddy? Why are you mad? Did I do something wrong?" Xander deflated a little and knelt so he was at Em's eye level.

"No of course not sweetie." he said softly.

"Then why are you yelling? "She said her bottom lip jutting out a bit. Xander smiled down at her and said softly and earnestly.

"I'm sorry sweetie, I promise not to yell anymore and I promise I'm not mad at you."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Ok!" she said once again perky she looked at Buffy. Buffy was staring at Xander and the longer he starred the more angry she seemed to get.

"Well?"

"Well what?" Xander said not having any clue, and not really caring what she had to say. Buffy scoffed and said.

"Whose is she?"

"Sweetie the grownups have to talk." Xander had to force his voice to be calm, when what he really wanted to do was throttle her.

"Okay Daddy." she obliviously skipped out of the room. Once Xander was sure that she was gone he turned to Buffy very angrily.

"Who's she is, is delicate matter that you shouldn't have brought up in front of her." she seem slightly chagrined.

"Well she's not here now, can you tell me now?"

"No."

"Is she Faith's?"Xander gave a short laugh.

"I haven't seen Faith since we separated ways after the hospital let me go. And if you've forgotten, the last time I was with her she tried to strangle me shortly afterwords, not a great basis for a relationship." Buffy scoffed.

"That's never stopped you before."

"It's never stopped you either, in fact I seem to remember you like your boyfriends room temperature." Buffy opened her mouth to say something then closed it; she took a few deep breaths and then said.

"Look I know it may not seem like it, but I didn't' come here to fight.."

"Then why did you come here?" snapped Xander.

"To see how you were doing?"she said earnestly.

"Like you care."

"I do care." Xander believed her for about a second then it wasn't so much like he didn't believe her but he was so mad that he didn't care.

"Really you care?" he challenged her.

"Why is that so hard for you to believe?"

"I don't know, maybe because all I tried to do is help you, and threw me out!" Xander yelled.

"I did not throw you out! You left, you're the one that left us, and yet you think you're the one who was wronged."

"I can't believe you're saying that this is my fault." Xander said softly, after all this time she still thought it was his fault, he may have left but he wouldn't have left if she hadn't pushed him out. Buffy opened her mouth and then starred at him for a few second and let her breath go.

"I wish we wouldn't fight." she deflated a little, and she looked a little less like the slayer who pushed him out, and a little more like the slayer who had been his best friends for years.

"Me neither." Xander admitted, he had missed her these many years, there had been several times when he had the phone in his hand, but just couldn't dial the number. Sometimes he had half dialed the number and then hung up. He just couldn't ever finish the call.

"I wish things had been different." Xander didn't say anything, part of him wished that too but mostly he was glad things ended up this way because of Em. Apparently noting his discomfort she attempted to change the subject, unfortunately what she changed it wasn't going to go any better than the last one.

"So Xander what do yo do for a living?" Xander know she wasn't going to like the answer, so he started towards his study.

"Follow me." Xander said without looking to see if she was following him. When he heard her come in he closed the door. He sat on his desk and waited for her to sit in the chair across him.

"So why did you relocate us to here, what do you do?" she said curiously.

"I'm a hunter." Xander stated plainly.

"What!" she said outraged.

"I. Am. A. Hunter." Xander said slowly in a condescending tone.

"But Xander there's a reason...I mean your normal." she looked worried and angry.

"Every hunter is normal, but that doesn't stop them does it? No they kick ass and take names without supernatural powers." Xander said proudly glad of his chosen profession, no matter what she or anyone else had to say about it.

"But you're." Buffy trailed off.

"Go on; go on Buffy continuing telling me how useless in a fight, I am though you don't even know me anymore. Go on, tell me how I couldn't save anyone, and even though I saved many people's lives in these past few years go on tell me!" Xander shouted.

"That not what I meant." Buffy said loudly but not quite shouting.

"What did you mean?" Xander snarled.

"I just meant it's dangerous."

"Too dangerous for me, because I don't have powers."

"I know about hunters too, and I know that they don't have long life spans, most of them die within 20 years from when they start hunting."

"Yeah and how long do slayers usually live a year or two? Even now with many vampire slayers you still lose at least 1 a year, so how is it any different."

"Because!" Buffy shouted and Xander shook his head partially from anger and partially because it was a very childish thing to do.

That's when the door opened and Em danced into the room, she was wearing her princess outfit and danced all around the room. She came up to him.

"I'm a princess." Xander couldn't help but smile she was so adorable.

"Yes you are Em." she danced around the room a bit more then she curtsied, and danced out of the room. Xander closed the door behind her, in case Buffy wanted to talk about private things again. He looked at her again she looked contemplative.

"Does she knew what you do?" despite the fact that Xander felt like he didn't owe her any answers he answered her anyways.

"She if you mean Em will know as soon as she old enough to understand it."

"But Xander."

"Buffy, this isn't your decision you have absolutely no say in this matter!"

"Xander!"

"Buffy you have no say in the matter and that's final!" Xander started moving away and Buffy shouted.

"Where are you going?" Xander turned around noticing that Buffy wasn't following him, he went to her and grabbed her arm.

"To show you out!" he started again towards the door and Buffy let him drag her to the door but then planted her feet.

"What if I don't want to leave?" Xander couldn't take it anymore, her barging into his house and thinking she was entitled to be part of his life when it was her fault that she wasn't.

"Buffy get out of my house!" she was visibly bristling.

"Fine but if you ever take the stick out, and want to find me I'll be at the Holiday Inn, room 12."

"I very much doubt you'll be seeing me any time soon." Xander said angrily and Buffy glared at him and left through the door.

Review please :)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Supernatural.

A/N: thank you all for your reviews.

He had finally gotten rid of her. He tried to feel relieved but he just felt sad. Xander sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands. He remembered the day it had happened very clearly, the day in which he and Buffy and everyone from his previous life had stopped talking.

It was an apocalypse and Xander was getting ready for it. He had all the weapons he could conceivably need concealed on his person. He was examined himself in the mirror, to see if any of the weapons were visible. When a heard a noise behind him and turned around.

"Hey Buffy."

"HI. "she seemed nervous.

"What's with the long face, terrible apocalypse, been there done that." Xander said flippantly trying to cheer her up.

"Xander, you know I love and care for you right?" she said carefully. Xander got worried, that Buffy didn't think they could do this. He hugged her tightly and she hugged him very tightly back.

"Buffy what's the matter? We'll get through this."

"Xander you know that I love right?" she repeated. Xander stepped apart from her so could see her face more clearly, and try to guess what she was trying to say.

"Yes, I know you love me. What is this about? "she looked very awkward.

"I just think...look maybe you should sit this one out." that when Xander stopped caring what she looked like and got mad.

"Let me process that for a second... What?" he yelled.

"Look, Xander I don't want to see you get hurt." her face looked sincere but Xander didn't care she was trying to push him out again!

"Buffy it's my decision, I know I'm not the strongest or the fastest but I can help, I know I can."

"Look, I know you want to help, but I just don't want to see you hurt." she touched his arm but, Xander backed away from her.

"Oh so it's all about you."

"No of course not." she shook her head.

"Oh really, because it sounds like it's all about you, do you ever think that maybe I need to fight?"

"But Xander..."

"Buffy I need to fight."

"You're not strong enough." Buffy said then winced. "That's not what I meant to say."

"But its how you feel isn't it, that I could never be strong enough." Buffy silence spoke volumes.

"You really don't think I can do this?" he said it hurt that after all this time Buffy didn't think he was strong enough.

"I don't and I'm not going to let you kill yourself trying to prove me wrong."

"You can't stop me!"

"I'm in charge!"

"Just because you are head slayer or whatever those people are calling you, doesn't mean you know anything!"

"I'm in change and you're not going!" Buffy said taking a step towards Xander.

"You can't stop me1" Xander took a step toward Buffy.

"Wanna bet! "Buffy took another step and now there face only had about 3 inches between them.

"Oh you just think your tough don't you."

"I am I'm a slayer, I'm definitely tougher then you! Of course that's not hard, Cordelia could beat you up."

"You used an example from 5 years ago. What couldn't your puny brain at least think of something more recent?" Xander said in mocking tone.

"Puny brain? You barely graduated high school you couldn't even get into college." she said with a laugh.

"Yes like that mean anything, I earn 25$ an hour doing what I do, you only got a job at the high school because of Robin. In the real world I'm more successful!"

"That means nothing here! You might be able to put up drywall but that doesn't mean you can fight!"

"I can too fight!"Xander yelled.

"No you can't! "Buffy yelled back.

"Look if you don't want me here I'll leave." Xander blurted out. Buffy didn't say anything; did she really want him to leave? But Xander's pride small as it was wasn't going to allow him to back down. He didn't want to be sidelined, and if he had to go somewhere else to be in the action so be it.

"Bye Buffy have a great life and tell Willow bye for me." Xander turned around and headed to his room, where he packed his few belongings in a suitcase. He sat down on the bed for a minute looking at the room. It had been his home for the last year he had grown attached to it, but he was going to leave it and everyone in the building. He stood up and looked around the room one last time, before he exited the room. Part of him wanted Buffy to run down the hall and tell him to stay but she didn't.

Xander felt bad for punishing the others for something that was completely Buffy's fault, but he still couldn't back down. Xander knew that telling Buffy to tell Willow he was leaving wouldn't be good enough. He considered writing them all letters but knew that also wouldn't be good enough, plus they would never forgive him for that, if they would ever forgive him for leaving that was.

He made his way back to the training room, where everyone was getting ready for coming apocalypse. Giles was there trying to calm everyone down and get them ready for the apocalypse. He would need to tell the slayers too, but he would tell them after he talked to Giles. He walked up to him.

"Giles I need to talk to you." Giles didn't even look at him and said distractedly.

"Xander now not."

"Giles it's really important." at this Giles looked up and looked into his eyes and then said.

"Okay." they walked together out of the room and down the hall a little ways.

"Giles I know sometimes, a lot of times, I annoy you and that I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed but I respect and care for you a lot, you are more like a father then my father ever was. You taught me a lot about what a man should be and I want to thank you for that." Giles looked very concerned since they normally didn't talk to each like this.

"Xander what is this about?"

"I'm leaving and I don't know if I'll ever be coming back."

"Why?"

"Buffy...she won't let me fight; I just won't be sidelined anymore."

"But Xander..."

"Please, for once even if you are taking her side don't tell me, lie to me if you must." Xander pleaded. Giles smiled though it looked very forced.

"I wasn't going to take her side, I just thought maybe you should..."Giles took a deep breath" Xander I understand your decision, and I want you to know think about you as my son as well, I will miss you dearly." Xander hugged Giles for a short time.

"I gotta go; I got to tell everyone I'm going before the apocalypse." Xander smiled sadly and Giles smiled sadly back at him. He also glanced back at the training room and knew he would never be able to tell them and escape, there were too many and they could make him stay if they wanted.

"You'll tell them for me won't you?" He gestured to the training room. "Tell them after though no need to give them reason to celebrate till they've overcome the apocalypse." he joked.

"I will." Giles smiled. He backed away from him and went for the next person on his list Willow he made his way to her. She was in a meditative pose, probably juicing up for the pending apocalypse. He knocked on the door of her room.

"Willow I need to talk to you." Willow stayed in her pose and didn't even open her eyes.

"Xander not a good time it's apocalypse time."

"I know, and I'm really sorry I can't do this anymore." at this she opened his eyes and their eyes locked Xander knew she could tell something was wrong.

"Do what? "She asked concerned.

"Be here, Buffy sidelined me." she got up from the floor and made her way over.

"I'm sure she's just anxious and she doesn't want you to get hurt."

"Did she sideline you? No she didn't, did she sideline Giles, no she didn't, it's just me and I may not be the best warrior out there but I need to be out there, even if it means not being with you guys."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm sorry Willow, I can't be here anymore." she grabbed his arm like it would keep him here.

"No you can't leave."

"No, I can't stay." Xander knew how hard this must be for her it was hard for him to say it.

"But…maybe if you talk it out. "she said her eyes glassy and face crumpled.

"Willow this has been a long time coming you know it, and I know it, everybody knows it. I wasn't going to come see you, because I was afraid that you might be able to talk me out of it. But I needed to say goodbye to my Willow."

"Xander you can't go, I'll miss you too much."

"I'll miss you too, but I have to go be my own man." Willow hugged him tightly and Xander hugged her tightly back. He left her room and went to Rona's room next. She was looking at herself in front of the mirror but her eyes had a faraway look. He knocked on the door and her eyes snapped to him.

"Rona I need to talk to you."

"Sure Xander."

"You're my favorite slayer; just don't tell anyone else I said that. I want to stay here and be here for you and for everyone but I can't, not anymore. I have to go."

"Why? "she asked in a matter of fact way.

"Because it's time, that I become my own man."

"What's the real reason?"

"I don't want to. "she interrupted.

"Xander I'm not stupid...if you say that your favorite slayer is me that means... what happened between you and Buffy?"

"You're very intuitive." she snorted.

"It's a gift so what happened?"

"We had a fight and it was a big one and I realized I would never be able to reach my full potential here."

"You sure?" Xander was surprised they were close no attempts to make him stay, then he realized that she had accepted it and maybe even wanted it for him. It warmed his heart in a very profound way.

"Yeah I am but I'm going to miss you, I'm going to miss you very much." he hugged her for a while.

"I'm going to miss you too." she said into his ear. He then released her.

"I got to go." he headed out there was only one person left he really wanted to see before he left, and she was the one that he was afraid that would take it the hardest. Her room was only a few doors away he raised his hand to knock. When the door opened, before he could get a single word out Dawn said sharply.

"You're not leaving!" she said angrily.

"Somebody told you." Xander stated softly.

"Willow did and you're not leaving." she said it angrily still, but tears were starting to fall down her face.

"I'm sorry Dawn Patrol, I have to go, I'll write all the time it'll be like I'm still here." this time there was no anger just more tears.

"Liar." He reached up a hand to wipe away her tears from her face.

"You understand don't you?" she sobbed

"Yeah, I understand, you want to be your own man, but I don't want you to go, I won't let you go."Xander hugged her and felt Dawn shoulder shake and could hear her crying. He let her go.

"I love you Dawn and I'll miss you." she tried to smile but since she was crying it didn't work out so well.

"I'll miss you too." she managed to sob to him.

"Goodbye."

"Bye." He left the room and came to one of the exits, and looked behind him starring this time at the mansion. He had many good memories there, and it seemed so strange that he was going to wake up tomorrow and not be here. There was no one here either, no one who had followed him, which he understood it was apocalypse time. Still he suddenly felt very alone. He considered just for a second staying anyways, but as much as he wanted to stay he hated being under appreciated. With a heavy heart he stepped over the threshold, into the world he would have to exist in without his friends. He had no clue what he was going to do, and had no clue whether or not he was about to regret it. Xander set off on foot in a random direction hoping it would lead him to his future.

He grabbed his head harder trying to forget about the fight and about Buffy. He had been a different person back then. Young and while he had seen some bad things he had still been kind of naive.

Back then he had only one eye now he had two.

Xander couldn't stay in the rented house anymore. He took out his cell phone scrolled down to a number and hit talk.

"Hello...yeah...where are you?..I'll be there in a few hours. "

Review please :)


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Supernatural.

Author's note: Finally the supernatural aspect is coming in.

A/N: Thanks so much for all the reviews

Xander put the car into park. Unbuckling his seat belt he went around to the back of the car, opened the door and sat next to his daughter. He just stared at her she was so beautiful; he ran his hand over her hair. He couldn't imagine his life without her; he loved her so much and would have no clue what to do without her.

"Daddy?" she asked sleepy her eyes slightly open.

"Hi honey we're here "he watched her small eyes close again.

"Where?" she asked half asleep.

"Where Uncle Sam and Uncle Dean are." her eyes went wide open.

"Uncle Sam and Dean?" she asked with only a hint of sleepiness in her voice. Xander nodded and just watched as Em leaped out of her seat and out the door. Xander got out of the car in time to hear

"Uncle Sam, Uncle Dean." apparently they heard them pull up and had already come out. Em ran over straight to Dean like she always did.

"Hey princess." Dean picked her up and spun her around. Once he set her down, she ran into Sam's waiting arms. Once he put her down she was beaming.

"Daddy how come we haven't seen them in five whole weeks?" Xander smiled she was so adorable, it tore his heart that one day she would learn what it was Xander, Dean, and Sam really did.

"Honey we've been busy." They opened the door and walked into the house into the first room which was a living room.

"Is it because the mean blond lady was yelling at you?" At this both Dean and Sam turned their gaze to him trying to ex-ray him.

"Em why don't you go watch TV."

"I don't want to watch TV, I want to know who the mean blond lady was." Xander collapsed into a chair ran his hand over his face.

"Honey not right now I'm...I just very tired right now." Xander then felt something small come into lap and Xander moved his hand to see Em kneeling on his lap. She had her arms up stretched toward Xander. Xander laughed Em always know what he needed and wasn't afraid to give it to him. He hugged her and stroked her hair

"I love you honey."

"I love you too daddy."

"Sam don't you want to get in there?" was Dean not so subtle dig on Sam and his tendency for chick flick moments which Dean hated. Xander then heard some scuffling in the background and smiled. He didn't know this house he had never been here before. Sam and Dean were renting it and their record for keeping a house was 4 months. Despite never being there before he felt at home. He had his daughter and his friends he didn't need Buffy did he?

Author's note: sorry that it's a short chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Supernatural.

Xander opened his eyes reluctantly, he just wanted to close them and go to sleep; he had driven nearly all day to get there. Before he could go to bed he had to get Em to bed and she was super excited to be there, she wasn't going to take it well.

"Okay Em it's time for bed." she screwed up her face in a look that made him want to cave in. Be strong he told himself.

"It's time for bed." he repeated more forcefully.

"I don't want to! I want to stay up with Sam and Dean!" she stamped her foot to emphasis her point.

"I know you do honey, but it's time for bed." he said sternly.

"I don't want to go to bed." she said stubbornly.

"Emily it's time to go bed."

"Fine!" she frowned and turned away from him. That's when Xander remembered that he wasn't at his house.

"Um do have anywhere for Em to sleep?" he asked. Dean nodded. He started moving and Xander guessed that meant he should follow him. They went to a bedroom in the back.

"She can fall asleep in here." Xander glanced at the room it was obviously Dean's. He checked the salt lines and looked for the devil's trap, he saw the corner of one sticking out from underneath the bed. Number 1 reason the Winchester never got their safety deposit back or a reference.

"Okay." he looked behind him and saw that Em had followed. He grabbed her and put her into the bed. He tucked her in. He was glad that he had the foresight to dress her in her pajamas for the trip, so he didn't have to get her dressed for bed. He really should make her brush her teeth but he just wanted to sleep, and to sleep he had to get her to sleep first. He made to leave when Em said.

"Can I have a story?" Xander sighed and turned around and sat back down on the bed.

"Okay honey. Once upon a time there was a princess and she was very pretty and she knew it too and she used to get all these guys but when a friend asked her out what does she say, no, no she wants to date the vampire and she was a vampire slayer no less I mean come on. Then she picks another vampire but by that point I didn't care and then she had the audacity to " Xander realized who he was telling the story to and looked down at her face she looked confused.

"What I meant to say is that the princess was trapped in a dungeon by her evil step sisters who didn't want her out in the world, because she was nicer and prettier than them. So one day after a hard day of scrubbing the dungeons and waiting for her prince to come she got tired of waiting. The next time her evil step sister came down to mock her, she slapped them silly and stole the keys and left. When her prince came months later there was no princess to be found and he ended up marrying one of the ugly step sisters. "he looked down and saw that Em eyes were closed. Even though now that he thought of it that story was really odd at least Em had liked it. He got up and turned around to find both Sam and Dean there.

"The stories I tell never end the way I plan them to." Xander whispered and they all walked out of the room and closed the door.

"What was up with the first story?" Sam asked. Which brought his mind back to the first story that he was telling the one about Buffy. The one that he thought he had gotten over a long time ago and it made a little angry.

"Nothing it's none of your business." Xander snapped.

"Whatever dude." Dean said however Xander carried on because while he had heard him the words didn't really register.

"I don't want to talk about it! Why would I want to talk about it? Just because she ruined my life back then doesn't mean I'm going to let her ruin my life now! I mean the audacity! The pure nerve she had! I can't believe..." he trailed off when he caught the looks Dean and Sam were giving him. They had no idea what he was talking about and looking at him like he grown a second head. He almost looked to make sure, you never knew with him. He suddenly felt really embarrassed. These people were the closest people he and Em had to family and well he had yelled at them well to them but it was for something they had no idea about he cleared his throat a bit nervously.

"I'm sorry this whole thing just has got me wound up very tight."

"Okay." Dean said pretending like he hadn't just spouted off random stuff. While he still was tired his outburst and the feelings it brought up made him too wired to be able to sleep at the moment. With sleep out of the question he noticed how hungry he was.

"I'm hungry, you guys mind watching the munchkin while I go get something to eat. " he said partially because he was hungry and partially give them time to themselves. Sam got up and walked over to him.

"Hey do mind if I go with you I'm kind of hungry." He wasn't exactly expecting that.

"Um sure. Dean you can handle Em alone can't you?" Dean looked mock insulted.

"I could take care of her with my eyes closed."

"If you do I'll string you up and cut you into tiny pieces."

"Oh I believe it." Dean smiled and Xander smiled. Xander opened the door, went over his almost sleeping daughter and kissed her forehead.

"Em I'll be right back, Dean will be watching you." he looked intently at her eyes to make sure she know that he wasn't abandoning her. It was extremely important that she always knew that he wasn't abandoning her what with the life they lived. When she nodded he stood up and started heading for the door, he heard Sam soft footsteps behind him so he didn't bother looking.

He went to his car unlocked the door and sat down without looking, he unlocked the other side. Xander just sat in the seat for a moment thinking even after Sam closed the door , the sound of a seat beat clicking was heard. Xander then realized what he was doing and started the car and pulled out. The ride to the dinner was silent since Xander didn't really want to talk at all and Sam seemed to sense that.

Xander pulled into the dinner's parking lot and they got out and made their way into the dinner. They as one headed for a booth with a good view of the exits, even though neither of them were expecting any trouble. They sat down and waited for the waitress to get around to them. They waited in silence that was started to uncomfortable especially since Sam kept on glancing at him when he didn't think Xander was looking. Xander pretended that he didn't notice. As time wore on it was started to get less uncomfortable and more annoying.

Luckily the waitress got there before Xander got too annoyed. She was young around their age she had brunette hair and a light complexion she was wearing jeans and a blue t-shirt with a blue apron over it. She was pretty, exactly Dean's type and Xander would have been glad that Dean hadn't come except for Sam was obviously here for a heart to heart. He would have rather watched Dean work his way into her pants.

"What can I get you boys?" she said with a forced smile looking at Sam, which got Xander thinking maybe he already had.

"Yeah I'll have a cheese burger and fries and water."

"And you." she said turning to Sam with an even more forced smile.

"A hamburger fries and a shake." Sam said with a slightly apologetic smile.

"Be right out." she bit out and left the table.

"Why didn't you tell me Dean jilted a girl here?"

"Well I like this place, and I'm actually on his side on this one."

"Do I want to know?"

"Probably not it had to do with... our line of work." he said carefully in case of any eavesdroppers.

"Okay." Xander said then things got silent again and Sam kept sneaking peaks at him. After about 5 minutes he couldn't take it anymore.

"Sam please tell me you didn't come here so we would have a heart to heart."

"Look Xander, you came here, you yelled out random things; so maybe you came here to talk to us. Besides shouting at us this time of night in this town could get the cops called on us, so yeah we're going to talk about it."

"Did Dean volunteer you or did you volunteer yourself?"

"Dean volunteered me, said I was much better at chick flick stuff then he was." Sam said with a slight face.

"He's right, if he would have come it would have taken him twenty minutes just to bring it up."

"Who is the mean blond lady?" Sam asked using Em's words Xander sighed.

"Her name is Buffy." Sam waited for Xander to continue when he didn't he asked.

"Who's Buffy?"

"When did we meet for the first time?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes." Sam frowned obviously trying to pin down the date in his mind.

"We meet for the first time I don't know about 4 year ago."

"What do you know about slayers?"

"Slayers?...You mean the myth of the girl with the strength of demons who fight monsters."

"Yep."

"What about them?"

"Have you heard of the town Sunnydale?"

"Is there a point to all these questions or are you just trying to avoid the question?"

"There's a point have you heard of Sunnydale?"

"Yeah big earth quake, town fell in."

"I was born in Sunnydale." Xander saw the look of shock come over Sam's face.

"Until I was sixteen I was a normal every day kid, maybe a little less popular then I would have liked...but that's not the point. See our town was small and there was a new girl, which was a very big deal since we hardly ever got new people. That girls name was Buffy Summer's and when I first saw her I fell for her hard. She was so...well I quickly became aware that Buffy didn't have the same feelings for me. But that's not really the point.  
The point is that Buffy was the slayer. We being Willow…another friend of mine:" Xander elaborated " and I learned that Sunnydale our beloved home town was a hellmouth." Xander paused knowing that Sam would have questions. He was proven right when Sam asked.

"Wait you were friends with a slayer? Slayers are real? Hellmouth? Sunnydale was a hellmouth you lived on a hellmouth?"

"Yes to all the above."

"Wow! So what happened?"

"Me and Willow decided to help Buffy fight the vampires and the demons. We fought them for seven years until Sunnydale became a crater. I got possessed by a hyena and a soldier on Halloween. I stopped a bomb that I never told them about." Xander paused for a moment before continuing. "I was always the normal one, The Zeppo at least that's what my ex-girlfriend used to call me. Of course after she called me that I saved the school from being blown up so I tried to ignore it. Of course she ended up dying after she gave birth to -well a very bad thing so I kind of forgave her. Not that she didn't call me that for no reason I.." Xander then realized he was rambling.

"Anyways we stopped apocalypse after apocalypse in order although I'm really sure if any of these name will mean anything to you; the master, Angelus he was the evil souless version of Angel Buffy's boyfriend at the time, The judge, The mayor, Adam, Glory, my best friend Willow tried to end the world because she was heartbroken, and then the first I really didn't like the first. While the first had no body it sure had followers with bodies; one of which poked my eye out. " Xander grimaced remembering when that happened. Then his thoughts lead to how things had been back in Sunnydale.

"We used to be really close me, Willow and another boy named Jesse back before Buffy came to town. After she came we were close for a while but after high school they went to college. I went on a road trip and after I came back I just didn't fit where I used to. I tried to find a new place for myself but I never really fit in where I used to. The whole problem was I was normal, too normal I guess for Buffy. I mean I get it more now than I did back then I guess. I had no training , no powers, and no super strength, it was a miracle I lasted as long as I did without all that. Still it hurt when I told her if she didn't like I would leave and she didn't argue with me. So I left and well here we are." Xander finished with a small self-pitying laugh.

"You still care for them don't you?" Sam said softly not looking Xander in the eyes.

"Yes very much so. They were my life- I mean I like my life now but I still want them to be part of it."

"So what's stopping you?"

"Did you not just hear my story?"

"Yes you're mad at Buffy." The way Sam said made it sound like it very simple which it wasn't.

"I am very mad at Buffy." Xander stated firmly.

"But Buffy not the only one you're not seeing." Sam pointed out and Xander's face fell.

"I meant to keep in contact with them, I really did. I had every intention but I started hunting things and when they called I'd always be doing something…so I made excuses, and if I called them back it would always be at a time I knew they wouldn't answer."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Sam asked not being so subtle in his hinting.

"I know what you're getting at Sam but it's not that easy. We haven't spoken in years I can't just go up to her and say let's be best buddies again."

"Do you want to?"

"What?"

"Do you want to be best buds again?"

"Why did you want to be a lawyer? You clearly are meant to be a shrink."

"Ha ha ha very funny."Sam said dryly.

"Honestly I have no idea." Xander admitted " Part of me just want to storm her hotel and patch the fences but the other part of me thinks it's better this way."

"Again I ask you what are you going to do?"

"I'm not ready to mend fences yet." Xander braced himself for whatever Sam was going to say.

"Okay."

"Okay just okay? You're not going to force me to go see her and mend fences." Xander asked confused.

"Xander you're a grown man, you have a kid. If you don't want to mend fences then don't, just don't get the cops called on us."

" Sorry." They ate the rest of their meal in silence then made their way back to the house. They got out of the car and made their way up the driveway.

"You can sleep on the couch if you want." Sam offered.

"Thanks." Xander said softly back. Sam opened the door and Xander immediately went to where Em was sleeping, Dean was right next her in a chair.

"Did you and Sam get it all smoothed out?"

"Yep I'm going to move Em to the couch so you can go to bed."

"She can sleep in my bed if you want." he offered but Xander shook his head.

"No I rather be in the same room with her and I don't want to deprive you of your bed. Goodnight Dean" Xander said with a small smile.

"Night Xander." Xander picked her up and carried her to the first couch he got to. She was getting heavier, she was growing up. Part of him wished she'd stop and just stay his little girl forever. He walked across to the other couch and took of his shoes and jacket and grabbed one of the blankets Dean must have put next to Em then fell onto the couch. He stared up the ceiling for a moment then the lights went out. He was exhausted, but he couldn't help it after all the rehashing of the past in the last two days, he couldn't help when his mind went to what used to be his family. To Buffy , Willow, Dawn and Giles. Could he really just leave things the way they were forever? Eventually he fell asleep not a step closer to an answer.

Review Please :)


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy.

A/N: Small Charmed Crossover.

Xander woke up with a start. When he realized that he wasn't in his usual bed it came back quickly to him that he was at Sam and Dean's house. He sat up and looked over to the love seat where Em was still sleeping he let out a breath of relief.

He got up and walked around the house until he found the bathroom. He starred at himself in the mirror. He looked old and worn he had more scars on his face and on his entire body then he had before since he didn't have slayer healing. He sighed at his reflection He wasn't that much older then when he had been with Buffy, but he looked a lot older. Plus now he had two eyes. He traced the outline of his eye and got lost in memories.

Two years ago he had been on the trail of a demon, the Hellmouth sort who was killing lots and lots of people. He had tracked it down to a series of mossy caves that had smelt like arm pits and onion a very overpowering and smelly odor. Xander had searched the smelly caves for awhile before the he had heard something only his experience made his reaction so fast. He had turned around, just in time to see a demon who had charged him. The demons had been one of the weirdest demons he had ever seen before in his life. The first thing he had noticed was that the demon had had tusks. Then he noticed his skin was the same color and texture as a normal human except it was twice as thick. That and everything was webbed.

Of course his musings had been interrupted by the tusked man who had charged at him. Xander had sidestepped him barely, the tusked man was fast. The tusk man had came around again for him and he had barely managed to evade that one as well. He had lifted the sword he brought with him because when in doubt cut of the head was his motto, not much could live without it's head. The tusk man had come for him again and Xander had rushed at it with his sword. Which had turned out to a be a mistake when his sword had missed but the tusked demon had skewered him with his tusks. Of course since the tusks were attached to the demon while he was being skewered, he had had another chance to run his sword through him, which he had.

Several thoughts had run through his head. The biggest on his mind was that he was going to die in a smelly cave. That Em would be alone, oh and the pain the pain was getting worse. Then he felt tingling all over he opened his eyes not even realizing that he had closed them. The cave was still Mossy and smelly but it was also glowing. Was he dying was that the light at the end of the tunnel. He had watched the light hazily since his vision was starting to blur. He still wasn't sure to this day exactly what it was he saw. It looked humanoid but it was glowing that about when he had to close his eye because they were too heavy to keep open anymore.

Later he woke with a start, he looked around at what had happened. The fight came back to him, he felt his chest which was whole, like nothing had ever been in there nearly killing him. About this time he also realized something was different, it had taken him a few minutes to pinpoint it but he had, his vision was different. He took off his eyes patch and realized his vision covered more then it had before. He covered up one eye the eye he had before and realized he could see out of his other eye. He had been dumbfounded he had had no idea what happened and to this day he still had no idea.

"Xander! Em! Breakfast" he heard. He smiled and pushed all thoughts of his eye to the back of his mind. He was among friends, whatever else had happened and whatever was happening now he had to remember to take joy where he could find it, and should take it while he was here.

"Save me some bacon." he yelled and hurriedly opened the door and ran to the kitchen.

Author's note: I think the tenses in this chapter are way off and sorry for not updating lately.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the vampire Slayer or Supernatural

Xander and Em had been at the Winchesters for 2 days. Em had been enjoying every single minute of it, and Xander had been enjoying it a lot too. Just friends coming together, talking and laughing, nothing too heavy not after that first day. They seemed to go back to the Winchester rules, which said no chick flick moments, which he was fine with because it meant for long stretched of time he could pretend like the conversation he had with Buffy never had happened.

Presently he and Emily were playing with some of her dolls, while the Winchesters were going out to get lunch. The Winchester did do much in the way of home made meals.

"And then...and then she said to her, that that's not very nice and she said sorry and then they went to the ball together..." his phone rang.

"Hold that thought, for a second kay Em."

"Okay Daddy" she said happily. He looked down at the caller ID and answered it.

"Hey Sam."

"So did you want a hamburger or two." Sam asked him.

"Two I'm starving."

"And Em?"

"They got any healthy options?"

"Healthy?Hmm." Sam said softly.

"Apple pie!" he heard Dean say loudly, then Sam's laugh.

"Apple pie's not healthy." Sam said between chuckles.

"Is too it, it has Apple's in it." Xander overheard Dean said adamantly.

"Um not much sorry, um a salad maybe?" Sam said.

"Bird food." Dean said.

"Em won't eat a salad, she seems to be on a crusade against vegetables."

"Chicken nuggets!" Xander turned around to see Em behind him. "I want chicken nuggets!" she said again even louder.

"She'll take chicken nuggets." he said to the phone.

"Okay chicken nuggets it is. See you when we get back." he hung up the phone.

"Emily it's not nice to yell at people when they're on the phone." he said sternly.

"Sorry Daddy, I wanted chicken nuggets." she said sheepishly.

"It's okay."

"Daddy?"

"Yeah Em?"

"Where's my coloring book." he looked at the table where it was in plain sight.

"It's on the table honey, but if you want to color you have to put your dolls away first."she hung her lip out but Xander didn't give in. She huffed then, she cleaned up her dolls and put them back in her duffel. Then she sat at the table and picked up a pink crayon and started coloring vividly everywhere on the page, she didn't really care about coloring inside the lines. Xander sat across from her and picked up the paper and started reading the headlines. Occasionally looking up to make sure that Em wasn't drawing all over the table. Some time later the door opened Em put down her coloring book and she ran towards the door.

"Chicken nuggets." she said as she ran to them. Xander looked over and saw Sam root through the bag and hand her some chicken nuggets and gave it to her. She munched on them eagerly. Sam got 2 wrapped burgers out and handed them to him.

"We ate at the dinner."

"You should have gotten the pie." Dean said then moved towards his room. Sam rolled his eyes and sat down at the table across from Xander.

"Em sit down at the table." he said and she sat down at the table.

"Uncle Sam what are we doing today?" she had been wearing out Sam and Dean for the last 2 days and Xander could tell Sam was feeling it by the expression he had on his face.

"Um...I need to take a break and maybe a nap." he said wearily.

"Aww! I wanna play" she whined.

"You should ask Dean." Sam said.

"Okay." she said happily and skipped down the hallway.

"How can she have so much energy, I mean I hunt monsters for a living it's not exactly a desk job and she wears me out."

"That's Em for you." Xander said with a smile.

"Xander, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What?"

"Well, I found a job." Sam said. Xander perked up, hunts required single mindedness which meant there was no room for anything but the case, so they would be no room to think of Buffy.

"What? Where?" he asked eagerly.

"Where is the easier part, it's a little town about 2 or 3 hours from here. What is going to be a little more difficult to determine is what's doing the killing. My guess is some sort of spirit or something."

"I'm in." he said. "When are you leaving?"

"As soon as we can get all of our stuff together."

"Let me call Jenna and let her know I'm on my way." Xander wasn't just going to leave Em all by herself in the Winchester place, nor was he going to leave her in the motel they would eventually stay at. It wasn't safe for her to be there by herself. So Xander had a few people he trusted enough to watch over and protect his daughter while he hunted. One of course was Bobby he trusted that man more then he had trusted his father, but the hunt was no where near Sioux Falls. The others were people he had met most of them he had saved their lives and owed him.

Xander went a little ways away from Sam, dialed her number and waited for her to pick up.

"Hello Spring Country Inn."

"Hey Jen."

"Xander it's great to hear from you. How have you been?"

"Great." answered Xander automatically even though he was no where near fine. "What about you how's your inn?"

"Still ghost free thanks to you."

"That's what I like to hear."

"So is this a social call or am I about to see you in person."

"You know me so well." she laughed.

"When?"

"I'll be there tomorrow and be gone for a few days. If that's okay with you that is."

"Of course Diane been missing her." Jenna had 3 kids. Diane and Em were both 5 and got along really well, at least most of the time.

"Thanks Jen your a life saver."

"No problem, beside I need my roof reshingled." she said. It was part of the deal he made, she watched his kid for a few days to a few weeks and he used his carpenters skills to fix anything free of charge. Not that usually ended up being free, they usually paid him something since they knew what he did even though it saved people paid nothing.

"Alright see you then." he was about to hang up when Jen asked.

"Yeah how long do you think it'll take you to get here?"

"Oh sorry about 4 hours."

"Alright I'll expect you then."

"Thanks again Jen."

"Bye."

"Bye." he hung up his phone and put it back in his pocket, he turned around and saw that Sam had disappeared from view, probably already packing, that was what he and Em had to go and do too. He walked back into the living room where Em had gone back to playing with her dolls. He knelt down so he was on her level.

"Alright Em's it's time to pack up."

"But I didn't even get to play much." she said her bottom lip jutting out. Much she been playing for the past 2 days non-stop but he didn't say his thoughts aloud instead he said.

"We'll be back in a few days and you can play with them all you want."

"Where am I going ?"

'"Jenna's."

"Aunt Jenna's!" she said then ran off down the hall. He hoped she was packing, of course if she was she was going the wrong way. He shook his head Em was so full of life and energy, so much though sometimes she forgot what it was she was supposed to be doing. He started going to his stuff, it wouldn't be hard to pack up his stuff since it was mostly all still in his duffel bag, but Em wasn't quite as neat as he was and most of her stuff was on the floor.

As he started packing all of his stuff up, he thought of his reasons for taking his daughter to Jen's house. As much as he respected and admired the Winchesters , they were part of the reason he dropped his daughter off. They had grew up in this life and their lives, his included were not the way he wanted his daughters life to be. He wanted her to have as normal of a life as she could being the daughter of a hunter. A few minutes later Em skipped back into the room. She started skipping and singing.

"Em you've got to pack." she skipped around the room a bit more then went to her duffel bag. She unzipped her bag and starting dropping everything in it. He was definitely going to have to repack her bag. He finished packing his bag and looked over and to see Em ,but she was gone she had probably gotten bored of packing and had run off again. He took everything out of her bag and repacked it so it would all fit. He slung his and her duffel bag over his shoulder and put them in the car so once he rounded Em up they could just leave. Then he gave the house a once over making sure they didn't leave anything behind.

"Time to go Em!" he yelled through the hall. She appeared with her small backpack on her back and a big frown. As far as Xander knew there was nothing in her backpack since he had just repacked all her belongings into her duffel bag. He lead Em outside of the house and saw Sam and Dean follow them out of the house. They had their duffel bags too and probably wouldn't be leaving the house long after them.

"Alright you guys know the drill, you go and I'll met you there after I drop off Em." Which was when Em ran up to Dean and gave his legs a great big hug. Dean picked her up and hugged her again.

"I don't want to go." she said crying she threw down her backpack on the grass.

"Remember Em? Jen and Diana." Xander said softly.

"Why can't we all stay." she said with her bottom lip sticking out.

"Because Daddy, Sam and Dean have to work." she wiggled down from Dean and started hugging Sam's legs until he picked her up as well.

"Why?:"

"Because honey we have to."

"Why?"

"Em, we have to."

"Okay." she said sadly she wiggled down from Sam and grabbed her backpack. Xander picked her up and put her on his hip.

"See you later guys." he waved and she waved and they made their way to his car. He put her into her car seat and made his way to the drivers seat and got in. He looked at Sam and Dean they were both looking at him. He waved a little and pulled out.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Xander pulled into the familiar parking lot of the Country Inn.

"Daddy, are we here?" Em asked excitedly.

"Yeah, we're here." she tried to get out of the car but it was locked.

"Daddy?" she whined.

"Em I have to talk to you before we go in, your going to be staying here for a little bit and I want you to listen to Jen and do what she says."

"Okay." she said while still trying to get the door open. Xander stopped himself from laughing.

"Em." he said sternly, she turned to him. "Tell me you'll do what she says."

"Okay." she said again this time less distracted. Good enough he thought. He unlocked the car and Em rushed out.

"Em stop!" he called out, she stopped a few feet away and looked at him confused.

"Stay with me." he called out, she slowly made her way back to the car. Xander made his way to the trunk of the car, where he took Em's duffel bag out and close the trunk, he held out his other hand and Em took it. They made their way across the parking lot and into the Inn. Jen lived in the Inn she ran so they made their way up the apartment they lived in. Em tried to get away from him a few times but he managed to keep her close to him. Then they finally got to Jen door, where he dropped Em's hand.

Xander knocked on the door and waited several moments, then it opened. Jen was standing there she was thin with light blond hair and a nice smile.

"Hey Jen." he waved with the hand that wasn't holding Em's duffel bag.

"Hey Xander and how's my girl Em." she asked her hands on her knees. Em of course ran straight for her, and gave her a big hug. After they broke apart Em looked around the room.

"Where's Diana?"she asked then before waiting for an answer, she ran off.

"Thanks for doing this."

"Hey, I get shingles done for free and Diana loves playing with Em."

"Still it means a lot to me, I don't want to have to take Em along, when I do what I do it isn't safe."

"I'm glad you do what you do. You save people's lives not everyone would do that even knowing what's out there."

"It's nice, to hear that once in awhile." Xander said with a small smile.

"Now do you have to go right away, or can you stay for a bit."

"I can't start on the shingles right now."

"I'm appalled that that's what you think I was talking about."

"What were you talking about then?"

"Now, I don't know if I going to tell you."

"Jen."

"No I'm very appalled."

"Jen."

"Okay,"she turned around and Xander shook his head amused. He followed her through her apartment, he knew it fairly well, he had dropped Em off here several times.. He followed her through the apartment until they got to Diana's room . He immediately knew what Jen wanted to show him, it was a house, one of those little houses that children liked to play in. It hadn't been here the last time he was here and he knew Em was going to love it .

"Em going to love this.." he told told her.

"Yeah it was a bit pricey, but since Lea's 2 she'll be able to use the house when she's Diana's age . "

"How much was it?" Xander asked knowing full well he'd never be able to swing it financially. Which didn't even take into account that he moved frequently and those doll houses weren't very move friendly.

"300 bucks and I got it on sale." Xander whistled.

"At least she be able to play with one when she's here with you." he felt a bit guilty that he wasn't able to buy Em nice stuff. It was reoccurring guilt that he always felt when he realized that due to his life style of being a hunter, there were things Em was going to miss out on, especially since she was going to have to start school this fall.

"Yeah, I'm sure they'll be here soon, right now I think Diana showing Em her new dolls."

"So how are Lea and Josh?" Xander said trying to get off that train of thought.

"Josh is well enough for an 8 year old boy, always breaking things and Lea is a trouble making 2 year old, who is also breaking things, and getting into things."

"And how about you?"

"I'm managing." Jen looked down at the floor. Her husband had been the owner of the Inn before, unfortunately it was only after the ghost had already killed her husband that he had come and killed the ghost. So she had been a new single mother along with new owner of the Inn. It had been a year since it had happened, and Xander could see that it still bothered her, so he searched for something that would change the subject.

"How's business." not the best change of subject, but she looked back up at him at that.

"Good, we only have 4 vacancy's, that's good for this time of year."

"That's good." he said.

"Yeah, in a few weeks there's a festival and we'll be all filled up." she said, he suspected mostly so they wouldn't lapse into an awkward silence. "This small town of ours will see more excitement then it does all year. You guys should come, I mean of course you don't have to, just if you have time and want to-"Xander decided to interrupt there before she kept on going.

"I don't know what were doing in a few weeks, but if we are able to me and Em would love going to the festival." They smiled at each for a bit, then Xander glanced down at his watch and realized he had to get going. So that meant he had to do the hard part now saying goodbye to Em.

"Sorry but I have to go." he said reluctantly to Jen, Jen nodded

"Thank you so much for doing this for me." he said. Jen smiled and Xander made his way to Diana's room, he stopped before going in to just look at Em. There she was sitting besides Diana on the floor, she had one of her dolls and Diana had one of hers, and they were chatting at a fast pace. He almost didn't go in, Em never took him leaving well, and every time he did he wondered whether he was doing the right thing, or if he should just give up hunting and go back to carpentry. He sighed and walked into the room.

"Em." she looked up .

"Yes Daddy?" he squatted down so that he was level with Em.

"I Love you Em."

"I Love you too Daddy." she said happily as she started brushing the dolls hair.

"I have to go too." her entire demeanor changed in a split second, she got up from the floor and said adamantly.

"No." he sighed again.

"I'll be back a few days and we'll both stay here for a day or two."

"No." this time she pleaded with her bottom lip jutting out, she knew how hard she was to say no when she looked like that.

"Em it will only take a few days, and I'll be right back." He pulled himself into a standing position , the moment he did Em ran up to him.

"No Daddy don't go." she hugged his legs and pulled so that if he moved he would have drag her

along with him.

"I'll be back in a few days." he tried to reassure her again.

"No." she said into his legs and he barely heard what she said.

"You'll be fine, you'll play with Diana, and you won't even miss me."

"Uh-uh." she didn't budge.

"Em." she shook her head.

"I'll be back soon." he tried to coax her. She looked up to him her arms still secured around his legs. Her eyes were so big and sad in the moment he almost gave in.

"Do you have to go Daddy ?" she asked earnestly.

"Yes." her little arms slowly unwound from his legs and he picked her up into a hug.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." he hugged her for awhile he knew that this would have suffice until he came back in a few days.

"Promise."she said into his ear he stroked her hair a bit then said.

"Yes I promise."

"Okay." she said finally slowly. He put her down and smiled at her.

"I'll see you soon."

"Bye Daddy." she waved sadly.

"Bye Em." he waved to Jen and Diana and slowly made his way out of the door Jen followed him when he left the apartment he turned around.

"You'll take care of here won't you."

"Xander, she'll be fine, now go, go save some people and come back to your daughter as soon as possible." he nodded and with one last glance inside the apartment he turned around, and started heading out, he heard the soft close of the door and he knew that he would be worried about her until he came back for her.

A/N: Review please


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

A/N: Originally this was going to be 2 chapters but I felt dividing where I was planning made in seem incomplete so they're together now.

Xander straightened up and left a tip on the table of the restaurant, he had stopped at to get some food and also to take a break from driving. He made his way to the cashier and paid his bill and he made his way back to his car. He walked across the parking lot and looked down at the dusty dark green 2001 Mazda Protege. He needed to get it washed, he could tell that even without the wash me that someone had helpfully written into the back window. He ran his hand over his car and his hand was covered in dirt, he didn't have a classic beauty like the Winchesters Chevy Impala. His car wasn't anything special but it was reliable, unlike the car he had driven on his road trip he went on after high school. Although now he was sure he had driven to nearly all the 48 continental states, despite what he had lead them to believe, even back then he had known he couldn't have driven to Alaska and Hawaii he had been joking, it kind of bugged him at the time that no one had gotten it.

He tried to put that thought out of his mind as he opened his door and sat down behind the wheel again. What he needed was music, music would distract him. His car had the capability to listen to MP3's and he plugged his into it. The first time Sam had ridden with him, he had practically salivated at the sight of it. He guessed that Sam spent too long in the car with Dean, he hadn't ridden all that much with Dean but anyone who had ever ridden in the impala knew that Dean loved his classic rock. While Xander didn't mind some classic rock, he thought if he had to listen to it for as long as Sam did, he probably would have killed Dean by now. He flipped through his songs trying to find one that he wanted to listen to after a few flips he found one which was _Stockholm Syndrome. _He rocked out for a few hours, until he pulled off to the side of the freeway, where he turned the music down, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Sam number.

"Hello."

"Hey Sam I'm about an hour out you got anything yet."

"Yeah some information but nothing that concretely says what our monster is at the moment."

"What are you guys?"

"FBI."

"Right. Alright, okay I'll be there soon keep me posted."

"Alright see you soon." he closed his cell phone and pulled back into the freeway."

An hour later and he pulled off the freeway he pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store and dialed Sam's number again.

"Hello."

"Hey Sam I'm here where are you?"

"In the Breezy Motel, Room 11, we're researching." he sounded off hesitant he wasn't exactly sure what made him sound off.

"You okay Sam?"

"Yeah...it's just well I'll tell you when you get here." Xander eyebrows went up, Sam sounded nervous, in all the time he knew him, he had never sounded so apparently nervous before the hunt began as he did now.

"Okay I'll see you there in a few minutes." He didn't hear anything then looked at his phone, Sam must have hung up, boy whatever it was must really be messing with his head. Xander pulled back onto the road and searched for the Breezy Motel , a few blocks down he found it. It certainly was not the best looking place ever, but since hunting didn't actually pay money, and any real money he made by occasionally working construction went quickly, and he didn't like using the false identity credit cards although he did it anyways it would have to do.

He checked in easily enough, and made his way to Sam and Dean's room first so he could figure what was going on with Sam. When he got to room 11 he knocked on the door. After a few seconds the door opened Dean was standing there with a grin, and barely contained laughter. He moved out of the way and Xander came into the room. Sam was on his laptop on the table big surprise there, Dean sat down on the bed closest to the door. Xander eye's took in the room next, he wasn't an interior decorator and he used to have really bad style but even he knew that the color scheme in this place was terrible. The walls were painted a puke green. The bed's themselves had bright orange comforters, giving the place a kind of nauseating look. So instead he put his focus on Sam who seemed very focused on his laptop.

"So what's going on?" Sam didn't say anything, he just seemed to stare at his computer so Xander turned to Dean.

"It's a ghost clown." anxiousness started seeping in. Clown were creepy very creepy.

"Your kidding me right?"Xander said he tried to keep the nervousness out of his voice but he didn't really succeed.

"It's a clown, another killer clown." Sam said slowly and fear creeping in his voice. Dean seemed to find the fact that both of them didn't like clowns to be very hilarious, and was laughing quite loudly. Sam and Xander didn't find it so funny. While Xander had faced his overwhelming fear of that one clown during high school, they still gave him the creeps. Sam however seemed to really really not like clowns. Which was something he didn't know about Sam before, but he had only known him for a few years and clowns had never really come up before. Xander shook himself out of his thoughts, at least they knew what it was now a crazy ghost clown and they would be able to kill it much more easy.

"So what are you still looking for?"

"The clown's name, so we can find his grave." Sam answered, still not looking away from the laptop.

"So... since we still have some time, I'll going to my room and call Em." he started heading out of the room then stopped." oh I got room 17 in case you need me." he added as an afterthought then he left the room and made his way and made his a few doors down looking for his room. He found room 17 and took the key of out of his pocket, this motel was old and still used real keys rather then key cards. He unlocked the door and turned on the light. It wasn't much to look at , it had exactly the same nauseating scheme as Sam and Dean's room , except his only had one bed in it, he dropped his duffel on the bed. He got out his phone and dialed Jen's number.

"Hello."

"Hey Jen."

"Xander how's it going?"

"Good." Jen while knowing about the supernatural didn't really like thinking about it too much so he usually spared the details for her.

"That's good."

"How's Em?" he asked nervously he didn't like being away from her for any length.

"Hang on I'll get her for you."

"Em!" she yelled and a few moments later he could hear the phone being handled.

"Hello." his daughter voice came through.

"Em?"

"Daddy!" she was so excited.

"Daddy me, and Diana were playing and Nick stole my doll but Aunt Jen made him give it back."

"Good that's good." he said not quite sure what else to say to that.

"Daddy when are you coming back?" she asked sadly.

"As soon as I can Em."

"Okay."

"Are you being good for Aunt Jen?"he asked and he heard silence.

"Honey are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm nodding." Xander laughed.

"Well honey, since I can't hear you nod ,you got to say so in words."

"Okay Daddy."

"So you having fun?"

"Yeah but I want you."

"So what have you and Diana doing?" he tried saying cheerfully.

"Playing,"

"With what?"

"Dolls, toys, Diana's doll house is really cool and we played in the yard, and it's so fun but I want you here."

"I'll be there as soon as possible." this conversation wasn't helping any, and now that she knew she was okay, it was only making him miss her more.

"Em, I love you."

"I love you too Daddy."

"I have to go, sweetie be good."

"I will, bye Daddy."

"Bye Em." Em hung up and he starred at his phone he missed his little girl. He closed his phone then opened it back up again and went to his pictures. He flipped past multiple pictures of Em and then shut it. He would be back as soon as he could, he was making the world a better place for her and everyone else and there wasn't a big supply of hunters. He missed her so much, he sighed taking a deep breath in which ended up as a yawn. He had been driving for the last several hours and, he just wanted to take a mini-nap so that when they hunted this clown down he was be rested. He texted Sam

_ I'm a little tired I'm going to take a nap before we go call me when we're ready_

a few minutes later he heard his phone buzz and opened it and read what Sam wrote.

_OK _

Xander pulled the gun out of the small of his back and put on the bedside table. Back while he had been with the scooby gang, he had been anti-gun but when you weren't a super powered slayer, and you still wanted to fight the bad guys your options were kind of limited, so guns were necessary and he couldn't even imagine not having it on him or near him at all times.

He pulled of his shoes and coat as well and put them on one of the chairs. He took his cellphone and put it by his gun. He climbed into bed and closed his eyes. Just a few minutes that was all he needed, just a few minutes.

Something was ringing? He blindly tried to hit his alarm clock, only for his hand to go through where he though it would have been, he opened his eyes blearily and remembered that he was in a motel and that the sound was his phone ringing. He fumbled for it and eventually found it he opened it and said.

"Hello."

"Xander we found the name and where the body's buried, wake up and met us at our room as soon as possible." Dean said. Xander blinked at the phone, then his mind filled in the blank for him. They were here hunting a killer clown ghost, Sam and Dean had done all the leg work and now they were going to kill it. Maybe having a nap when he did wasn't the best idea, his head felt all fuzzy with sleep. Still he managed to pull himself out of bed and put his shoes, and coat back on again. He put his gun back into his lower back and put his cell phone in his coat pocket.

He stepped forward to the mirror in the room, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, maybe having a nap hadn't been such a good idea, he felt more tired now then when he had before. Still his head was clearing up little by little. He grabbed a comb and ran through his short hair ,and looked one last look at himself to make sure he looked presentable.

He grabbed his weapons bag and looked around making sure he wouldn't need anything else before leaving the room, and he made his way to the Winchester's room. He knocked on the door moments later, the door opened, Dean was standing there and he stepped back and Xander made his way in.

"Have a good nap?" Dean made his way back and sat on the bed and started cleaning weapons which is what is looked like he was doing before. Xander put his duffel bag on the table , sat on the chairs and faced it so he could see both Dean and Sam.

"Sorry, some of us don't take turns driving and have to sleep when they can." he said. "So what's the what?"

"The ghost name's is James Gershwin, he was a serial killer even before he died ten years ago, he would dress as a clown so that if anyone did see him it would be harder to identify him, especially since he changed up the costume so much every time."

"The serial clown killer." Xander said. "I remember hearing of him, he didn't exactly help."

"Yeah serial killer clown, doesn't really help with Coulrophobia ."

"So where's he buried." Xander asked.

"In a very exceptionally large cemetery." Dean said with annoyance.

"How big is it?" he said curiously.

"Half a mile for a freaking cemetery!" Dean said. "And it's full! Dead clown guy was one of the last people to go in the ground.

"So that's a lot of ground to cover." Xander said.

"Yeah so we better get started now, before we're up all night just searching for the grave." Sam said then he closed his laptop. Xander got up from the table as well and Dean started moving the weapons back in his duffel bag. Xander grabbed his duffel bag from the table.

15 minutes later and a strategy full car ride later, where Xander got to enjoy the impalas backseat, lead them to parking the car near the graveyard. They gathered all their supply together and Dean picked the padlock that chained the gates closed. They all looked at the very large graveyard. The graveyard looked liked most of the graveyards they frequented, when you've saw one graveyard you've seen them all and Xander had seen lots of graveyards.

"We should split up." Dean suggested, normally they wouldn't, but with a graveyard so large they were never going to find the grave if they didn't split up, beside the fact that no one would actually be digging until they met up again. He turned on his flashlight and saw two lights heading off in different directions. He scanned the gravestones many of them were too hard to read, but since their clown was from the last 50 years it probably wasn't any of them. He searched for what felt like hours when his phone rang.

"Hello." he answered automatically.

"I found it." Dean voiced said.

"Where are you?" He asked already heading back the opposite way. One of the flashlight started blinking off and on but in a steady way.

"That's me."

"Alright I'll see you in a minute." he made his way towards the blinking light, noting the other light was doing the same, then he caught sight of Dean and Sam about the same time. He stood by them and they all looked at the headstone. James Gershwin that was all it said. They put their guns down and then it was shovel time, Sam and Xander starting digging while Dean watched their backs. You wouldn't think it would be so hard to dig up a grave but it was, it was nasty hard sweating work.

"I hate Clowns." Sam said quietly, so that Dean wouldn't start making fun of him again. .

"They are quite creepy." Xander agreed just as quietly, he kept on working on digging up the grave, feeling sweat staring to drop down his face.

When they got a couple feet down, Xander got out of the grave, before it became too difficult to do so. Sam continued digging and Xander picked up his shotgun from off the ground. Dean turned one direction and Xander turned the opposite way to look for the ghost. Seconds after doing so the ghost appeared in all his very creepy clowniness, which was just made worse by the very sharp knife he was holding. It started going towards him, Xander guessed he was the distraction, why did the creatures always pick him, the last 5 times he had been with the Winchesters the creature always choose to go after him first.

He shot it and the clown disappeared and reappeared a foot away from him, taking his gun down with a swipe of his knife. He heard another gun shot and the clown disappeared again. He unconsciously moved a few feet away from Dean, which later he thought had been his first mistake. His eyes went searching for his gun ,which was several feet away he went for it when the clown showed up between him and his gun. He looked over at Dean who was darting towards his gun, which apparently had also been taken away from him.

Instincts he thought had been erased by years of training took him over suddenly and all he saw was was a clown with a knife, a few feet from him. So he ran...he ran in no particular direction, just away from the clown. He kept seeing the clown pop up so he would go another direction, until he found himself between a mausoleum and the fence. He had no view of the grave, and no way of knowing how close they were to torching it.

The ghost appeared again and he managed to get the iron knife he had out of his boot and swiped at it, but not before the ghost threw him hard. His head connected with something hard, and the world swam, his knife wasn't in his hand anymore. He had difficulty opening his eyes again and saw the ghost wasn't anywhere near him, he heard Dean yell in the distance. The ghost... the ghost..why was it getting harder to think...he had to get to help the Winchesters but when he moved a tiny bit the world swam even more viciously. His head...it hurt...why was it so difficult to think..his head felt wet...maybe..it hurt...it hurt so much. He heard his name being called...but it was coming from so far away...maybe he shouldn't have ran so far away. He tried to open his eyes knowing somewhere inside of him that he shouldn't have them closed, his eyes were only open a crack, and they kept on wanting to close again.

A bright blue light filled the air and that's when his eyes gave up the battle and closed. He was falling. Then suddenly he started floating up and up and his eyes opened to a bright golden light was started to fade. He heard Dean and Sam calling his name more distinctly. He opened his mouth to answer when he caught sight of his rescuer.

"Jesse ?" it was definitely Jesse he hadn't aged at all since he had last saw him.

"Hey Xander."

"Your... your dead I killed you."his mind was not in the most rational of places at the moment.

"No you killed the vampire me not me, but that's not the point. Yes I died."

"What are you?"

"That doesn't matter, what matters is I'm not going to be able to save your ass again, I got in trouble for it last time and probably get in more trouble this time, if I do it again they will probably clip my wings."

"What?" was he an angel? He was really confused.

"The point is that you and Willow and Me we were all best friends what happened?"

"Life happened." he said faintly.

"That doesn't make any sense."

" Whatever the point is that in your line of work you could die at any time, do you want to regret not making up with them."

"Look it's not-"

"Of course it's not simple, time and your ego's have torn you apart, and maybe you won't be able to fix it but don't you think you should at least try?"

"What are you?" Xander asked again unable to get past the fact that he was alive maybe.

"I have to go Xander at least promise me you'll think about it."

"Yeah sure." he said absently still stuck on his aliveness. He disappeared in a wave of blue a soft with a light jingling accompanying that, he continued starring at the spot where Jesse had been. He heard Sam's voice and then remembered that they were looking for him

"I'm here!" he shouted loudly, he heard footsteps coming towards him and he slowly moved his

hand to his head he felt all around, there wasn't even any blood. Did he just imagine the whole thing he did take a good knock to the head.

"Xander!" he looked up startled out of his thoughts. Sam was standing in front of him looking worried.

"Are you hurt?" he looked concerned.

"Um...I really..really don't know." he said and went back to starring at the spot. Dean walked through the spot a few moments later.

"What happened? We've been calling your name for the last 5 minutes? Why didn't you answer." his voice was angry but he could tell he was also worried.

"I..I.." his brain wasn't functioning well, he was having a hard time getting past what he saw. He felt Sam hand move over him distantly, but his brain was still stuck on one thought Jesse.

"He's not hurt." Xander heard someone say in some corner of his mind.

"He doesn't look fine to me."

"Hey! Xander!" Xander jumped suddenly aware that Dean was waving his hand in front of his face.

"Xander! Are you okay?" he shouted again. He had to put this aside to deal with later, perhaps much much later.

"Yeah I'm fine." he said because it was automatic response more then anything.

"What's with the space man act." Dean asked.

"It's just...it's nothing." he lied, he looked at Sam and Dean's faces, neither looked like they believed him, he probably wouldn't either if he was them.

"So did you guys get it?" he asked instead hoping to distract them.

"What were thinking running?" Dean asked.

"I got her following me for a minute...albeit not the smartest plan I ever had." he felt his head again still no blood or sign that there was any wound.

"Is your head okay?" Sam asked as he noticed the act. Xander nodded whether it hadn't been fine before it was fine now. He looked up carefully at Sam and Dean, other then Dean hair looked slightly messier they both looked the same as before.

"Are you guys okay?"

"He didn't even touch me." Sam said.

"Maybe a bruise or two but that's it." Dean said dismissively.

"Good that's good...you guys got him right?" Dean smiled and Sam smiled even brighter.

"We killed the clown." Dean said.

"That in and of itself is enough for me." Sam said.

'The people lives we saved are just icing on the cake?" Xander asked.

"Dude we need to get some pie."

"Sure Dean we'll get some pie." Sam said reassuringly.

"And some alcohol the good stuff." Xander found himself saying. Dean and Sam looked at him, while he sometimes joined them for a beer, he wasn't usually one to initiate it, he tried to avoid drinking too heavily since he was a little afraid of turning into his parents. But today was different today either he was crazy, brain damaged, or his friend really was out there somewhere but not able to talk to him, none of these options were really ones he wanted to think about so he would forget.

"Okay pie and alcohol it is."Dean said.

Review Please :)


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Supernatural

Xander woke up feeling like there were cotton balls in his mouth and a pounding in his head, then felt nausea roll through him. He barely was able to make it to the toilet, before he threw up. He hung to the toilet a bit before he threw up again. Which only made his head feel worse, after dry heaving a few more times it seemed like maybe he was done throwing up.

He got to his feet shakily, went the sink he turned on the cold water , cupped his hands under it and sloshed some water around in his mouth getting the taste out before spitting all into the sink. He knew this feeling, he wished he knew it less, he was hung-over. He remembered last night hazily

Sam and Dean hadn't drunken as much as he had, and had seemed from what he remembered to be perfectly fine...jerks. He sat down on his bed and looked at his phone. Why had they let him drink so much? Right, he remembered Sam telling him to slow down and 3 drinks after wards Dean telling me to do the same thing...jerks.

The pounding kept right on going, then he looked at his beside table with had pills on it and a bottle of water and a note. His head was pounding too much at the moment to read the note, he looked at the bottle and winced as his head pounded fiercer until he found the amount he should take, then swallowed the pills and then drunk a good deal of water. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the head throbbing, which slowly abated as the pain pills started kicking in. He opened his eyes when the pain was gone enough, and picked the piece of paper up from off the bedside table.

_ Give us a call when you wake up _

It was simple and to the point, he hardly had to recognize Dean's handwriting to know he wrote it. His phone, Where was his phone? It wasn't on the beside table, it was probably in his coat which was where? He scanned the room looking for his coat and found on a chair by the table. He got upright again, and glad to note that it wasn't nearly as painful as it had been before. He grabbed his coat and checked his pockets for his phone which he found. He called Sam, Sam was less likely to yell at him then Dean and while his headache seemed gone he really didn't want to test it by hearing Dean yell.

"Hello."

"Hey Sam." he said somewhat sheepishly.

"Xander are you okay?" he asked concerned.

"Yeah, thanks to the fine meds you left for me, I'm fine. Are you guys still in town?" he asked.

"No we're going back to the house now. I haven't seen you get that dunk in...well I've never seen you that drunk."

"Yeah, just having a few issues at the moment...none I want to talk about." he added before Sam could ask. "But thanks you know, for getting me back here...and sorry If I was embarrassing last night." he said sheepishly.

"What do you remember from last night?"

"It's all a little hazy." he admitted.

"Well you got drunk very quickly, and you kept talking but none of it actually made much sense." He was quite the chatty drunk he had heard that before.

"Yeah.. it's just.. it's..I..."he trailed off not knowing how to explain it. Getting drunk had only really helped for last night, now it was the next day and it was just as fresh on his mind. Although while he had the headache it had taken his mind off everything but the pain in his head. "It's complicated..." he finished lamely.

"I'll bet." Sam said.

"Thanks again." Xander said.

"Yeah no problem."

"I'll see back at the house tomorrow or the day after."

"Kay see you then." he hung up the phone. That wasn't the the only phone call he had to make though. He dialed Jen's number and put a fake smile on even though he knew Jen couldn't see his face.

"Hello." it was Jen's voice.

"Hey Jen., I just called to tell you that I'll be by later on today, well probably tonight." her amended looking at the time on his phone.

"You are? Well Em will be glad to hear that."

"I'll be glad to see her." this time his smile was real.

"Well just get here safe."

"Don't worry, I won't forget to re-shingle."Jen laughed. "She's doing okay right?" he asked trying not to sound as worried about as he felt, as he always felt when he wasn't around to make sure she was okay.

"She's fine and she'll be even finer once your here."

"I can't wait to see her I'll be there as soon as I can."

"We'll be here."

"I guess I'll see you then."

"I guess you will."

"Bye Jen."

"Bye Xander." he hung up the phone. He started gathering all his stuff together, it didn't take him very long, then he started loading up his car. Once he got it all in, he checked the room to make sure he had everything, he checked out of the motel. He got into his car, turned it on and started heading for the freeway. Halfway there he made a u-turn, at first he didn't know exactly where he was heading, but a few minutes later he figured out he was heading towards the graveyard. At first he wasn't sure why he was going there, just felt the powerful urge to go there. After a moment he knew why.

A few minutes later he was there, parked outside of the fence and he watched as there were two police in uniform walking around in the area where they had dug up the grave. Guess someone noticed that the grave hadn't been fresh. He got out of the car and moved along outside of the fence. Making sure he was hidden from the cops until he found where things had happened last night. Everything looked different in daylight, in fact he could see even from out there what he hadn't even looked for last night. There was blood all over the mausoleum wall. He touched his head again and it still came off clean. So unless someone else recently hit their head against that wall, that had to be his blood and there was a lot of it. Particular on a spot about a foot above the ground. That amount of blood if it was his...shouldn't he at least have something? Anything that would show it. What kind of creature did he know of that could do what he saw Jesse do ? A witch maybe? He really wasn't quite sure, he knew who to go to though although he couldn't go to Sioux Falls anytime soon.

He got back into his car and drove for a few minutes making his way towards the freeway, when he saw a parking lot and pulled into it. He took his phone out.

"Hello." a gruff voice answered.

"Hey Bobby, I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

"Depends, what's the favor?"

" Um I heard about something...and I was wondering if you could tell me what it was."

"Okay."

"I heard about something that could heal and could disappear into blue light."

"Where you hear about this from?" he said curiously and with a hint of suspicion.

"I would prefer not to say...if that's okay."there was silence on the other end for a moment.

"I'll look into it." Bobby said.

"Thanks Bobby."

"Yeah yeah."

"Bye."

"Bye." he closed his phone, there was nothing else he could do now but get back to his daughter and that's where he was going to go. He drove for several hours stopping a few times for food or a break but he still made good time.

When he pulled up to the country Inn hours later, it was dark he looked at his watch, it was before 8:00 so Em would probably be still up. He didn't really want to waste any time though, not when he this close to his daughter and not when he had been missing her so much. He made his way to the trunk of the car and opened it. He looked down at all the bags he had in the trunk. He took only his personal items bag and left all his weapons except the one on his back.

He walked very quickly to Jen's door, put his personal bag down and knocked. The door opened after a moment. Jen was there she looked happy to see him.

"Em your dads back." she called down the hall.

"Daddy!" he heard her high pitched scream, and she thew down the doll she was playing with and ran to him he was ready for her, he bent down and picked her up and spun her around. He had missed her so much even though it had only been 2 days and he had talked to her at least once every day.

"Daddy." she hugged him for while and Xander just let her hug him for as long as she wanted, when she finally let go he put her back on the ground, where she took off down the hall moments later, he looked at Jen.

"Thanks for taking care of her for me."

"No problem."

"Guess I won't be able to shingle till tomorrow, you got room in your inn?"

"With your credit card."she said knowingly, he winced.

"Maybe a different Inn." he corrected.

"You can stay here if you want we got 2 couches you can pick from." she said sweeping her hands over the two tan couches by the door.

"Well I think I'll accept your gracious offer."

"You look tired." she said concerned.

"Been driving all day."

"You should sit down," you didn't have to tell him twice, he went over the closest couch and melted into the cushions, he closed his eyes, fatigue was really getting to him but he forced them open again he was finally with his daughter he couldn't fall asleep again. "Want some cookies? We made them for you but we expected you about an hour ago so their not warm."

"I love cookies warm or cold."

"Em, Diana," she called down the hall they came rushing down the hall.

"Em, your Dad wants some cookies, would you and Diana go grab him some?" Em nodded vigorously and shot down the hall again and returned a few moments later with a small plates of cookies which she handed to him.

"Daddy we made..we made you cookies." he smelled them they smelled fairly good, which meant that Jen must have made most of it or watched the girls closely, the last time Em had tried to make him cookies he had bitten into a cookie as hard as a rock which had tasted more like salt then sugar. He took a small bite of it and it tasted good so he eat the rest of it.

"Umm good." he said Diana and Em's face lit up then they went chatting away into the next room, leaving the two of them alone again. He sunk a little further into the couch.

"Your couch is very comfy" he mumbled, he forced his eyes open again.

"How has she been?" he asked quietly.

"Good she and Diana have been playing really well together. "

"That's good." he said sleepily.

"You seem distracted."

"No I'm tired."

"You should get some sleep, I'll take care of everything. "

"Thanks Jen.." he allowed his eyes to close and allowed himself to fall asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Supernatural.

A/N: Sorry for the long update time I've just been really busy.

He opened his eyes and looked around wildly for a minute before he recognized Jen's living room. The room was a little dark still so he guessed it was probably early morning, which is probably why there were next to no sounds in the room. He took out his phone and looked to see if he had any messages, he didn't, so Bobby hadn't found out what it was yet. No that was something he didn't want to think about, he wanted to go back to sleep but he wasn't tired. He could get by on little sleep, which was good since he didn't have slayer healing and all though high school he had joined Buffy on patrol not that he had actually done much. Again another topic he didn't want to be thinking about.

He stood up and made his way down the hall to where Diana's room was and opened the door quietly, he peered in through the door and made out his daughter sleeping next to Diana on her bed. He leaned back against the door frame and just watched for a few moments. She was so innocent and unaware of what he did, he was going to have to tell her soon, he was also going to have to train her so that if anything ever came after them she could protect herself but for now she was just an innocent little kid and he wished she could always stay that way.

He loved leaving her here not the actual leaving part or the being away from her, but having her be part of a real family for a little bit. He wished he been able to do that with her mother. Another topic he didn't want to think about why couldn't he just find a safe topic, but he couldn't help it when he look at Em he saw her. Her hair was all him but her eyes and her nose they were her mother's. He missed her mother every day. He shook his head he really couldn't think about it the pain of her absence he would just turn into a mess.

Just then he heard someone walk behind him, good someone was up someone he could talk to and stop thinking for a moment. He turned around and saw Jen heading towards the kitchen he followed her , saw her turn on the light , then she turned around and she saw him she jumped and gasped.

"Xander are you trying to give me a heart attack?" she said loudly.

"Sorry, I was just looking at Em and I heard you."

"Try to make a little more noise next time." he had been in hunter mode without realizing it. Jen made her way to the coffee maker and starting preparing some coffee.

"You want some right?"

"Yeah I do." Xander answered.

"So what are you doing up so early?"

"Wasn't tired anymore.."

"I wish that my case." as if to prove her point she stared yawning.

"Well as soon as the sun higher in the sky, I'll start shingling."

'You know you really don't have to do that." this happened every time, when he dropped Em off she would tell him something that needed to be fixed, but when he actually tried to fix it she would try to back out of it.

"Yes I do you watched my daughter and not just for a few hours."

"Yes but Diana loves having Em here and you were out saving lives I feel bad about making you do hard manual labor just because you wanted to save people."

"Jen's a deal's a deal so just get used to it."

"Okay." she finally said. She started getting some bowls and measuring cups out.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he sat down on a stool at the counter.

"I'm making pancakes." his mouth watered Jen's pancakes weren't from a premade mix they were from a recipe that was handed down in her family and they were awesome. He watched her mix and thought about how weird it was that this wasn't atypical. There she was standing there making pancakes in pajama bottoms and an overly large t-shirt. The kind of attire you usually only let someone your very comfortable with see you in.

"What?" Jen asked and Xander realized he had been starring at her.

"Sorry just lost in thought" he turned his eyes towards the counter instead. He knew Jen very well he had been leaving Em with Jen for over a year now, not always with Jen he had other people he left her with because of where they lived and if he had to go to Jen's every time he would never hunt, but he trusted Jen the most and he felt the most comfortable leaving Em here. It wasn't really a romantic thing, although she was beautiful, it was because he trusted her so much, he knew that Jen really cared for Em and would never let anything harm her. And while he trusted the other people he let watch her, he knew they did it more as a favor to Xander then caring for Em.

He looked back up and saw her measuring things again. That's when the phone rang, Jen sighed it was usually a problem with the inn when someone called this early, another weird thing that he knew. She put down her measuring cups and went to go answer the phone.

"Hello this is Mrs. Barlow of the Country Inn."

"Uh huh...yeah..umh hum...okay I'll fix that..thanks Ted bye." she hung up she turned around with a tired and apologetic look on her face.

"How are you with plumbing?"

"Depends, what's wrong."

"We've got water leaking from the ceiling in one the room's."

"I'll look into it."

"You are the greatest" she started walking towards the door when she looked down at herself and realized that she was in pajamas. "Just give a few minutes to get changed. " He smiled and nodded and watched her walk away. He had fell asleep in his clothes yesterday and needed to change as well. He made his way to his bag, grabbed some clean clothes and some personal items then made his way to the bathroom in the place. He started redressing and then spruced himself up, he would have liked to take a shower but there probably wasn't time for that. He made his way back to the kitchen and looked towards her door she hadn't come back yet.

He was a carpenter not a plumber but he knew quite a bit about plumbing. He looking longingly at the partially done pancake batter and wished he had had time to eat some before starting working today, but he was glad he was here when it had happened so that Jen could get the work done without being gouged. A few minutes later he heard quick steps coming towards him, he looked and saw Jen, this time in black slacks and a nice button down shirt with a blazer on. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she was wearing fancy shoes.

"Sorry about the pancakes, I'll save you some batter and make it for you when your done and at least you don't have to spend the day on the roof." she said apologetically. He would have rather been on the roof but he glad he could do this for Jen.

"Show me the way."

A few hours later he knocked on Jen's door and she opened it a few moments later.

"How bad was it?" she asked and moved away from the door so he could come in.

"Well it wasn't good, but I managed to fix it." he made his way through the door and Jen closed it behind him. He looked up at the clock he missed Josh going to school, and he was probably going to be gone before he came back. He hadn't even seen Josh when he was here before, he liked to see Josh to joke around with him and honestly to give him some kind of male influence not that he was the best for that kind of thing.

"Josh gone?"he asked just in case. Jen nodded.

"He's really bummed he didn't see you."

"Where was he the last time I was here."

"At a friends for a sleepover."

"Are the girls up?"

"Yep."

"Where are they?" he asked not hearing them.

"I think their in Diana's room." she paused "Your leaving today aren't you?"

"Yeah I am."

"Well I'm really glad that you were here for this... I should go make those pancakes for you then." she said then went off to the kitchen. He made his way to Diana's room , opened the door and saw Em and Diana playing with some dolls. He watched them for a minute just smiling, they were so close they were almost like sisters. Willow and Buffy used to be just like his sisters... no no he couldn't think about that or about what Jess had said. Which was assuming that it even was Jess and not something that could take his form which honestly is what he wanted. He already killed the vampiric version of Jess, albeit accidentally and if he had to he would do it again, no one wore his best friends face and got away with it. He checked his phone again for what seemed like the millionth time today, still no messages. Until he knew what the Jess imposter was, he had no way of tracking or killing it. That's when Em noticed him standing in the door and she jumped up and ran to him.

"You were gone again."

"I was here in the hotel I was helping Diana's mother with some building problems and I would have told you but you were asleep." she seemed to be okay with that.

"Daddy do you want to play." she said obviously talking about the dolls. He shook his head with a laugh.

"No I think I'll leave that up to you and Diana."

"Okay." she sat back down on the floor and he watched them play for a little while longer until he heard footsteps behind him and turned around.

"Wow you really have good ears." Jen said. "Pancakes are done." he sat down at the table this time and Jen sat down across from him.

"Thanks Jen, your the best." he started in on the pancakes and they as good as they always were. Jen's kids were lucky, much luckier then Em, he couldn't really cook and he usually didn't have the time between hunting, hustling and actually working he tried to spend all the time he could with Em.

"No your the best, how much would I have to have paid someone else to do that job."

"It depends on ..." he trailed off she almost had him it was another part of the tradition they shared, once he told her he was doing the job anyways after he did it she would try to pay him. When he outright refused she would try to sneak it to him.

"Nice try."

"Come on just let me pay you."

"How do you plan to sneak the money to me this time?" she smiled mischievously.

"Now that would be telling wouldn't it?...So when do you think you'll be leaving?

"Soon I think I need a little time to unwind and to take a shower but after that we really should be going?" she tried to look nonchalant but he could tell that she was planning. He put down his fork and knife and rubbed his stomach that really hit the spot. Just then Lea( Jen's 2 year old) walked into the room and Jen picked her up off the ground, held her on her lap which apparently wasn't what Lea wanted because she struggled to be released.

"Hi, Lea how are you?" he asked knowing that Lea was afraid of strangers because then she curled into her mother.

"Lea you remember Xander don't you?" Lea just snuggled further into her. Jen just shrugged at him in a way that said_ kids_.

"Now that I'm full can I take that shower now." he saw a glint of mischievous in her eye though all she said was.

"Sure have at it."

20 minutes later he was done and slowly opened the door, he tried to make his way quietly down the hallway but he was barefooted and his foot squeaked on the hardwood floor. So much so that when he made it the living room, Jen was standing there with a knowing look. He smiled at her and then made his way to his bag there was nothing he needed but he had to check it for money. Not that it was very likely to be in there, since she had already used his bag twice. It really didn't have anything to do with the money anymore, he didn't really mind if she paid him it meant more time he could spend with his daughter, but he didn't want her to have to feel like she had to pay him and now it was more a game then anything. Once or twice when he really needed money he took it even knowing where the money was but she could get very imaginative to where to put it.

He sat down on the couch and Jen sat down across from him on the other couch.

"So I probably should pack up shouldn't I?"

"Eventually probably...so where are you going?"

"To another hunters house."

"Where do you live?"

"Now? Northern Calfornia."

"That's a nice place."

"Yeah it is but it's pricey so were probably not going to be able to stay much longer, so we'll probably move somewhere near a place with a lots of things for me to hunt down and kill, again." Jen flinched and Xander mentally kicked himself he knew not to talk too much about hunts.

"Sorry...forgot."

"It's okay."

"I'm going to pack now." Jen smiled awkwardly. He got up off the couch there wasn't much to pack for him, so that was relatively quick to do his stuff. He was going to wait til it was closer to the time before he made Em pack, since she was playing with some of her own toys. So he was back to the couch not long after.

They talked a bit about different thing how her kids were doing? How his real job was? About his home and city? About how her business was. Some of the time they just sat in companionable silence. Some of the time was also spent breaking up fights between Lea and Diana, and Diana and Em. Lea kept going between the rooms but whenever she was in Diana and Em's room she seemed to only want to play with whatever Em was playing with at the moment. It was while they were talking about Josh that Xander felt that he couldn't leave before he talked to Josh.

"We're going to leave after I talk to Josh for a minute."

"That's really great Xander, I know he likes talking to you or just having you around."

"When will he be home." she looked a clock on the wall.

"Probably about 15 minutes or so."

"I should probably make Em pack now."

"Probably." he got off the couch slowly and made his way down to Diana's room. He stepped in the door and saw them playing what looked like doctor, with Em being the doctor at the moment , complete with a fake stethoscope around her neck.

"Em you've got to pack up, we're heading out soon."

"Okay." she took the stethoscope off and starting picking up her toys, he grabbed her bag from off the floor and held it open while she put all of her items back into the bag.

"Does Em have to go?" Diana asked looking sad.

"Yeah sorry Diana."

"When are you going?"

"Not too long." Em put the stethoscope back on and started playing again.

"Em is that all your stuff?" she nodded.

"Alright just be ready for when we need to go." Em nodded. Xander made his way back to the living room and sat back down in the grove he imagined he was making in the couch.

A little later the door opened and Josh walked in he looked at him he looked happy for a moment then tried to hid it for some reason.

"Hi Mr. Xander." he said. Jen had wanted her children to call him Mr. Harris as a sign of respect but he hated his last name so he had them call him Mr. Xander instead.

"Hey Josh." Josh then walked past him and went in the direction of his room.

"Is that normal?" he asked Jen.

"I don't know, I thought it would take longer for him to not talk to me when things were bothering him."

"I wanted to talk to him anyways maybe I can get something out of him."

"Well you can try."

"Do or do not there is no try." he said in his best Yoda impersonation. Jen laughed, he got up off the couch and made his way to Josh's room.

"Hey Josh can I talk to you in private for a minute?" 

"Sure." he walked into his room, Josh got off his desk and sat on the bed and gestured towards the desk. Xander shut the door sat down at the desk. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I just want to see what going on with you, are you still doing soccer?" Josh's room was facing the sun and it was quite toasty in there so Xander took his jacket off and slung on the desk

"It's not in season anymore."

"Oh...so are you doing any other sport?"

"Yeah baseball but I'm not so good at that." Xander shivered a little, baseball reminded him of that little boy who coach had beat him up after a game and the nightmares that came into their world. He had never been much of a baseball fan in the first place but that experience turned him off it completely. But he put on a good face for Josh.

"Baseball a great sport and like anything if you want to be good at it you just have to practice practice."

"I keep dropping the ball they call me butterfingers."

"Butterfingers are a very good candy bar." he tried joking but Josh didn't seem to appreciate the joke very much. He opened his mouth to say something more encouraging when his phone started ringing and he looked at the caller ID it was Bobby.

"Sorry Josh I have to take this call I"ll be right back." he went into the hall and answered his phone.

"Hello."

"I haven't found what the creature is yet."

"Okay..then why'd you call."

"Because if I had more details on when and where you saw it might be easier to find." he said a little more gruffer then usual.

"Sorry Bobby...I was in a graveyard trying to run from a spirit, uh a few nights ago."

"And did anything special happen before or after you saw it?" Um like the fact that I thought I was dying? That's probably something he should tell Bobby but it sounded insane. He must of sensed his hesitation.

"Do you want to know what it is or not?'

"I...took a bash to the head...and it was pretty bad...but there no sign of it now." he said slowly and hesitantly. It took Bobby a little while to to say anything which probably meant that Bobby thought he was crazy.

"Anything else?"

"The face of the guy, it was a friend of mine, a dead friend who was a hellmouth vampire that I staked myself, so I'm not sure how you can get any deader then that...that's it." he heard Bobby sigh.

"Alright I'll look into it."

"Thanks Bobby." he hung up. He sighed and brushed a hand over his face, he hadn't really wanted to tell anyone that but if he had to to figure out what it was, he could deal with it. He put a mask on so Josh wouldn't sense his distress. He walked back into Josh's room and sat back down on his desk chair. It took him few moments to remember what they had been talking about before.

"Kids can be real jerks, half the time when they make fun of others it's to feel better about themselves." wow Xander thought to himself that was a very adult answer, he never thought that that would his strategy in consoling a kid. Or in Larry case it was because he was gay but that wasn't something he was going to bring up with an 8 year old.

"I know that, everybody says that."

"And some kids are just jerks, you can't let them get to you, or if they show them you don't care what they say and don't show any reaction then they get bored."

"It's not easy pretending you don't care, I don't think I do it very well."

"It's good that your not a good at pretending."

"How so?"

"It's makes you more honest." Josh gave him a confused look at that and Xander shook his head not quite sure what he was trying to say with that.

"Anyways you are a good kid, a smart kid, don't let other people take away your happiness guard it fiercely with everything you got."

"Thanks Mr. Xander, I'm not really sure what half of the stuff you said means, but thanks."

"No problem." after a few minutes of silence Xander said.

"So we're going to be going now...I'll see you again the next time we come."

"Don't tell my mom...please."he begged.

"I won't as long as you don't do anything to make me think that I should tell her."

"I guess that's fair...I'll see you then." he was trying hard to hide his emotions but he wasn't doing a very good job of it, he was sad they were going. Xander smiled at him and made his way out of his room and into Diana's room.

"Time to go Em." at her sad look he added. "We're going to see Sam and Dean." she looked quite a bit happier then. He grabbed her bag and his bag and Em's hand.

"Thanks Jen for everything. Bye Diana, Bye Josh, Bye Lea." he said looking at them each in turn

they are waved to him. Em waved as well. Jen opened the door for him since his hands were full.

"Do you need any help?" she asked as they passed through the door.

"No we're good, thanks again." She smiled and Xander smiled and made his way down the hall, out of the building and to his car. He let go of Em's hand and put their bags in the back of the car. Then lead Em to the backseat of the car where he strapped her into her booster seat. He made his way to the drivers seat where he looked at Em first to make sure she looked okay, then started the car.

They stopped for dinner in a diner a few hours later. The meal was fairly ordinary as was the service the surprise came when he opened his wallet and found more money in there then had been in there before. He thought back to how it could have gotten in there he had checked his wallet a few times during the day. Josh he had left it with Josh for a few minutes while he had taken that call from Bobby. She must have given it to Josh.

"Sneaky sneaky women." he said quietly and put some bills on the table for a tip. He stood up and grabbed Em's hand and went to the front to pay.

Author's note: I know no Sam or Dean in this chapter but they'll be there next chapter

Please review!


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer; I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer

A/N: Sorry it's just a little short one this time.

Xander unlocked the doors and Em streaked out like a rocket, in a flash she had already run up the lawn and to the door. Xander smiled and stepped out of the car himself, heading to the back to grab his and Em bags from the trunk. He heard Em squeal of delight and knew she had found Sam and Dean again. He chuckled and shut the trunk and made his way up the walk, where he saw Em hugging Sam apparently she had already gotten to Dean. She was back down on the ground by the time Xander reached her.

"Em seems to have missed you guys."

"I really really really did!" she said excitedly running around in circles around them. They made their way into the Winchesters place of residence, Xander sat down on a couch of theirs and Em went zipping up and down the halls talking excited about everything that happened on the trip. Xander waited until Em told all of it, then she ran off again this time pulling Dean with her.

"So...?" Sam said slowly sitting down on another of their couches across from him.

"So what?"

"So how was your trip?"

"All I did was fix things then I came here." Sam was looking like he was trying to avoid saying something Xander, had a good idea what that was and didn't really want to talk about it at the moment.

"I'm going to have to put Em in school next year." he blurted out.

"Yeah you are." he wanted to ask Sam many questions about that. Hunters didn't normally raise their kids to be hunters in fact most hunters didn't have kids, but their father had already had them before he had lost their and started hunting.

"I know you didn't like moving around all the time when you were a kid."

"It sucked always being the new kid but I didn't get it back then."

"Get what?"

"That my father was just trying to do the best he could after having lost...my mom and having to raise two boys alone. That my father was good man and just wanted to save as many people as he could so that their family wouldn't have to go what our family went through." he said it slowly and with quite a bit of emotion.

"I don't want Em to hate me for doing the same thing."

"Then talk to her when she ask you to talk to her about it, I probably would have responded better to my dad if he had just told me why he did what he did, but just barked orders and every time I wanted things explained or complained and he shut me down, it just created distance. "

"So just be honest ?"

"Yeah and don't expect that it will always work but it might make it easier." Sam said with a shrug.

"Thanks." he said quietly...then he had another question but wasn't sure if he should ask it or not.

"Sam can I ask you something else?"

"Sure."

"How and when did you find out about the supernatural."

"I read my Dad's journal and told Dean that and asked him to tell me the truth Dean and he did."

"How old were you?"

"8." Eight? Eight was so young Em was five

"And would you of rather been told or is it better finding out for yourself." Sam looked pensive and didn't speak for several moments.

"I don't know I mean I figured it out from reading my dad's journal and I guess that was good because while I was scared I had found out myself and I had...Dean." Xander smiled the relationship the two of them had was great they would do anything for each other.

"Thanks, so I only have a few years before she knows." he looked down the hall Em and Dean had run down a few minutes ago.

"Yeah."

"Then I'll have to teach her to protect herself, I'm already teaching her hand to hand she thinks it's a game, and it's fun. She also seemed to have ropes down, oh I should warn you, don't leave her with ropes she likes to tie things and sometimes people and with her little fingers she can sure making some tight knots.

"I'll help that in mind." Sam said with a small laugh.

"Daughter of two hunters, it's probably genetic." he said then yawned he hadn't realized how very tired he was driving for all those hours.

"Probably." Sam said with another small laugh.

"Anyway I'm tired, I'm going to take a nap if that's okay?"

"Yeah we'll make sure Em is fine."he made himself comfortable on the couch and closed his eyes. He could hear Em giggling and Sam feet moving past him a little bit later, then nothing as he faded into sleep.

A/N Please Review.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer; I do not own Supernatural or Gilmore Girls

A/N: Sorry for the long update time.

Xander shot up and looked around and tried to remember what it was that woke him up, but he didn't have to think long because it came again, his cell phone. He blinked a few times and remembered his cell phone was in his pocket , he being tired hadn't remove it when he had gone to sleep. He put his hand into his pocket, his legs were a little sore so maybe sleeping with his cell phone in his pocket wasn't the greatest idea ever. He managed to bring it out and answer it.

"Hello."

"Hey Xander."

"Jen?" Jen didn't usually call him unless she was watching Em or was going to be watching her soon.

"Yeah it's me, sorry for calling so early."

"It's early?...Your a very sneaky woman." he remembered.

"So you found it." she laughed.

"Using your child, you should be ashamed of yourself." she laughed again.

"Yes well I'm a criminal mastermind."

"I don't think criminal give money away."

"Okay maybe not...anyway Josh wants to talk to you is that okay?" she seemed unsure if it was or not.

"Yeah sure I'll talk to him." he heard the sound of the phone being handled for several seconds then Josh's voice.

"Hello." he said nervously.

"Hey buddy." Xander said warmly wondering what this was about.

"Um...I was wondering...I mean I know your not my dad...but I wasn't sure who else to ask and I went alone last year and it was terrible...but there's this father son camping trip...and I was wondering if you could go...with me." he trailed off. He wasn't sure what to say and it took him a little while to answer but when he did he asked.

"Josh did you ask your mom about this?" it took Josh several seconds to answer. "No not yet."

"I think you should ask your mom first."

"Why?"

"Because it's something she should know."

"Okay I'll ask her and then I'll call you back."

"Okay I'll be waiting."

"Bye." he said a little dejectedly.

"Bye." Xander tried to say cheerfully. He hung it up and look down at the phone. Josh was a great kid and if he didn't have conflicts he would go with the kid for the weekend, if he could bring Em, which he kind of doubted since it was supposed to be a father son trip. But he had no idea if Jen would be okay with him pretending to be Josh's father, since he and Jen weren't even dating, they just saw each other sometimes, when he dropped Em off and then picked her up and did work around her place.

He looked around for a second feeling something was off, but he couldn't think of what it was. Then he realized what it was it was quiet very quiet, too quiet he got up from the couch and then realized why that was when he realized it was early morning a glance at his phone said it 6:30 am. He also realized that Em wasn't on the couch across from him, so he crept down the hall and peeked into Dean's room, she wasn't in there. He crept to Sam's room and peeked in and saw a little lump in Sam's bed and a bigger lump on the floor next to her. Em had somehow managed to get Sam to give her his bed for the night, sneaky little persuasive cute daughter he had. He closed the door and crept his way to the kitchen, he wanted to make himself something but since everyone else was asleep he didn't want to make too much noise. He peeked into the refrigerator and cupboards, seeing the sparsity of food he decided to have cereal. He poured himself a bowl of Captain Crunch and set about eating it.

About an hour later he heard some shuffling around in one of the rooms apparently someone else was up now. He was watching tv on a low volume. Someone was walking towards him he could tell by the footsteps it was Dean.

"How'd you sleep Dean?" he called to him.

"Great. Much better then Sam." Dean said with a laugh.  
"How did my daughter convince Sam to give up his bed?"

"You know how Sammy is, such a softy, all she had to do was give him a puppy dog face and he folded and I thought Sam's puppy dog face was impressive."

"Yeah my daughter knows how to wrap people around her little finger especially me." Dean sat down next to him with a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.

"What the hell are you watching?" Dean asked him. Xander laughed slightly he was watching a soap opera.

"There's nothing good on this early in the morning and, you guys don't have a DVR."

"Yeah that's because we research and hunt we're very busy."

"So what difference does it make, you pay with a fake credit card anyways."

"I don't know, Sam deals with stuff like this, change the channel."

"I told you there's nothing on."

"Give me the remote." Dean held his hand out.

'No."

"It my house hand it over." Xander handed it over. Dean flipped through all the channels and then came back to rest of the soap opera that had been playing before.

"Not a word." he said and Xander just smiled.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Xander hadn't realized how jumpy and agitated he was until Sam took a bowl out of the cupboard and knocked one of the pans to the floor. He was on his feet and in a fighting stance before he was even aware that he moved. Both Sam and Dean had looked at his strangely, but hadn't said anything. Em had walked in the room not too much after that and had easily got both the attention of Sam and Dean.

He sat back on the couch and tried to take some deep breaths. He knew why he was jumpy and agitated, it had something to do with seeing Jesse. He wasn't sure what happened, whether he was going crazy or whether his best friend was really alive but had been hiding this whole time, or if it was an evil creature with his face that wanted to trick him into thinking he was Jesse. Honestly if he were a betting man he bet on the evil creature wearing his best friends face.

This house should be safe though it had devil's trap's, salt on all entrances and many protection charms and symbols. The only place safer would be Bobby's panic room. And he wasn't going to panic, until he knew there was something to panic from, meaning until he heard back from Bobby. Still that didn't mean he couldn't research into it while he was waiting, he took out his laptop and started researching making sure fairly frequently that Em was okay and being looked after.

A loud sound went through the room and Xander was on his feet and into a fighting stance, before he realized it was just his phone, he sighed taking a deep breath in while searching for his phone and then answered it.

"Hello."

"Hi Xander it's me." he sounded very disappointed.

"Oh hi Josh."

"Mom says that she doesn't think that that's such a good idea but when I asked her why, she said she's my mom and knows what's best. What's does that mean?" Josh asked confused. It meant she had her reasons but ones that he was too young to understand.

"Well it's true she is your mom, and she does know what's best."

"But I don't want to miss it, and I don't want to be the one without a Dad."

"Well I'm sure your mother has her reasons." he said sympathetically, he had had a Dad, just not much of one, his father had never did any father sons things no matter how much Xander begged him, and there was the other stuff that Xander didn't really want to think about now or really ever.

"It just sucks." he said sadly and Xander felt bad for him ,and guilty if he had just picked up the trail of it before his father had died, then maybe he would still be alive.

"Yeah, I know I'm sorry buddy."

"Thanks Xander."

"Your welcome Josh."

"Alright my mom wants to talk to you so bye."

"Bye Josh." he waited as the phone was being handled.

"Hey Xander." she sounded guilty.

"Hey Jen."

"It wasn't that I don't want you to take him to the thing it's just ..."

"Jen you don't have to explain it's okay I don't know if I could have even done it I mean with Em and a father son thing."plus the fact that it would be weird.

"So you understand there's no weirdness." she asked concerned.

"No weirdness."

"Well that's good...that's there no weirdness...so I guess I hear from you again when you need me for Em again?"

"Yeah I'll talk to you then."

"Okay bye."

"Bye."

"Who was that?" he looked up and looked to see that Dean had listened to his side of the conversation.

"Just Jen." he said.

"Do you talk to Jen a lot?" his tone was very suggestive, Xander shook his head.

"It's not like that she's watches Em for me, I fix things for her and that's it." he started researching again hoping that Dean would stop asking questions.

"You trust her enough to watch Em, but you too haven't done the horizontal tango?" that sent an image through his head, an not entirely unpleasant one but one he didn't really want to think about at the moment.

"Dean, I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Dude when's the last time you've had sex." Dean asked suggestively.

"With Em's mother." Xander said as calmly as he could but it came out angry and depressed. Dean smile faded.

"I'm sorry...she was a nice lady I met her once before..." Dean trailed off, Xander hated talking about Em's mother, it brought up too much pain and sorrow she had been gone for five years now, but it still hurt because he could see her in Em everyday. That's why he hadn't wanted to talk to Buffy about Em's mother, because he didn't like talking about Em mother period. And when he had said it was a matter that shouldn't be brought up in front of her, he meant because Em always asked about her mother and it broke his heart to talk about her.

"She was a wonderful woman..." Xander corrected softly.

"I'm just going to go play with Em." Dean said awkwardly and moved away.

Xander told himself not, to but he did it anyways, he went to the pictures on his laptop and starred at her. She was so beautiful with her short dark brown hair , she didn't like long hair because then when she was fighting she got blinded by it. She had told him that not long after he had met her. She was wearing a light green shirt, he had given her that shirt for her birthday, she was holding Em who had only been a few months old at the time and he was smiling right besides them. He closed the picture out, he couldn't spend his life in the past he had Em to take care of. Em who would never know her mother, who would grow up without one. He shook his head he couldn't keep on thinking about her. He got back to researching hoping to drown out the sorrow with facts.

One of the doors in the hall slammed open a few hours later and he nearly jumped a foot high before he calmed down. Em rushed into the room followed by Dean and Sam who seemed to be chasing her around. He put his computer to the side when it became evident that she was trying to hide on his lap. She found her way up his legs and tried to hide under his arms.

"Daddy! Daddy! There trying to get me!" he smiled at them, then tried to look at his daughter who was hiding under his arms.

"Oh they are they?"

"Do they know what happens to things after my daughter." he said this to them with a glint in his eye but also in a way so that they knew he was kidding

"There pirates." she said.

"Oh pirates eh?"

"Well I'll make them walk off the plank." he said in a bad pirate imitation, he saw them smile at how bad it was. She peeked out from underneath his arms and saw them still there and hid herself again.

"Em do you know what's even scarier then pirates."

"What?" she said cautiously.

"Bath time." she fought his way out his arms and ran away. He chuckled then called after her.

"Wait Em I was just kidding, we got to eat first then bath time." she peeked out from around the corner.

"Promise?"

"Promise." he said softly.

Please review :)


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer; I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the vampire slayer.

They had eaten lunch, Xander had given Em a bath a few hours ago and soon it would be time for dinner. Em was playing in Sam's room right now with some toys, since Sam and Dean with both all played out. Dean was in his room and Sam had been researching for new hunts until he had stood up and said he was going to make something to eat. A loud noise echoed through the room and Xander was on his feet, he barely managed to stop himself from getting into a fighting stance though when he realized the noise was just the sound of pots and pans banging against each other. He sat back down and took some deep breaths.

"Xander what is it?" Sam demanded who was making his way towards him.

"What... what's what?" Xander said feigning innocence starring at his laptop, he was hoping that no one had noticed his jumpiness.

"Every time something make a noise you jump and look at it, now tell me is something coming for you? Because we need to know?" Sam's face was stern.

"I...don't know?" Xander said lamely. He didn't know what it was he saw.

"Do you think something might be coming for us?" he wasn't sure if what he saw was real and a hallucination then he didn't know if Jesse was a danger or not whatever he was.

"I don't know...maybe" damn that look of Sam he had on him right now, that you- can-tell-me-anything-I'm-so-understanding look that he used to wheedle information out of witnesses.

"It's just...something weird happened even for us." Xander admitted.

"What?"

"If I say it aloud I might have to rethink my sanity." Sam laughed a little.

"Isn't that most of the stuff we deal with?"

"No, more insane then normal." Sam's eyebrows furrowed in a concerned manner.

"What happened?" Xander breathed in deeply.

"I had a best friend who died and then got turned into a hellmouth vampire."

"I'm sorry." Sam said sympathetically.

"He was died and then I accidentally staked him, so he really should have been dead, at that point in fact I don't see how you could get any deader, but I saw him during the hunt I saw him." Sam frowned and asked.

"When?"

"When I woke up after the knock to my head."

"Maybe he was a hallucination."

"Yeah I've thought about that, it just kind of a strange one."

"In what way?"

"He told me to at least try to fix things with Willow and I guess by association with the others as well."

"That doesn't sound so weird your mind-" Xander decided to interrupt him before he psycho analyzed him to much.

"Yeah the weird part is that he glowed, I think he healed me, and he said something about someone clipping his wings. That a little's weird for a dream or concussion, or hallucination."

"Okay that's a little weird." Sam said.

"No that's a lot of weird." Dean said coming into the room at least hearing part of the conversation. Dean was usually blunt and to the point sometimes he liked that other times not so much.

"Okay maybe it is a lot of weird." Xander admitted "But I still don't know what it was."

"Have you looked into it?" Sam asked.

"Yeah of course I have I've looked online, but I couldn't find anything I asked Bobby to look into it as well."

"Yeah if anyone know what it was it would be Bobby he's a genius." Sam said. Xander's phone started ringing and he looked at who was calling.

"Speak of the devil." he said to the Winchesters then answered it.

"Hi Bobby."

"Xander I found out what is it." his heart started racing but he managed to keep his voice under control as he asked.

"What is it?"

"A white lighter." he frowned he had never heard of one of those before.

"A what?" he asked.

"I was getting to that, apparently their dead people who are given the chance to help and guide good witches and they have the ability to heal and to orb which is moving place to place in bright lights. Their connected generally to Nexus type witches and demons. Now your turn where did you see one?"

"My best friend Jesse he came to me and healed me." he said slowly and a little shakily, at this point he had been hoping for a hallucination caused by his addled mind ,but the fact that Jesse could really be out there and alive.

"Your almost as much trouble as the Winchesters." Bobby groused.

"I'm sure they'll be glad to hear that." Xander said faintly.

"Your with the Winchesters?" Bobby asked.

"Right now yeah."

"Yeah well you and the Winchesters better watch out for yourselves okay?"

"Will do Bobby." Bobby hung up and Xander put his phone back into his pocket.

"What'd Bobby say?" Sam asked.

"According to Bobby, Jesse might not be as dead as I thought he was, and if what I saw really was Jesse he wants me to repair my friendship with my old friends."

"Really your dead friend wants to fix things with your old friends?"Dean said in his somewhat callous way.

"My friends not dead, or not really he's a white lighter someone who helps witches...good witches."

"Are you sure that was Bobby calling? Because that's ten kinds of crazy." Dean said.

"Yeah it is ten kinds of crazy but if it's true, if Jesse is really alive at least kind of..." What did it matter if he was. Jesse wasn't keeping in contact with them, he hadn't even told them that he was alive in over ten years. So what if Jesse wanted him to make up, it wasn't like he was going to make up with them. So why should he care what Jesse wanted?

Only he did Jesse and Willow had been his best friends, from the time he was in kindergarten to the time he was 16 when Jesse died. It hurt a lot less then it had a the time, but he still missed Jesse still wished he could have saved him. Wished he hadn't been the one to stake him, even though he knew it was for the best. Jesse saw him and he couldn't even stay to talk to him for awhile? He had saved his life apparently though. Jesse made him think of his childhood too. Simpler times back before he knew about demons, witches and werewolves when it had just been him, Jesse and Willow. They had been as thick as thieves closer then close and that lead him to Willow.

Willow his Willow...he hadn't seen her in so long he didn't like to think about her too much because when he did, he realized how much he missed her. Dawn too he had been practically her older brother, whatever his reasons had been for not staying in contact, however mad he was at Buffy, he was tired of not being in their life anymore.

"I should go see her." he said aloud.

"Are you sure?" Sam asked concerned.

"Absolutely not." he answered honestly. He couldn't believe he was seriously considering this at all. Buffy and him hadn't seen each other in years you don't just kiss and make up with that kind of damage to a friendship. Still he missed her, and Willow and Dawn that part had been his fault and he wanted to fix it, and fixing it meant staring with Buffy. "You'll watch Em for me won't you?" he asked almost hoping they would say no so he wouldn't have to decide.

"Sure." Sam said.

"This is such an insane idea.." but he grabbed his coat and keys before he could talk himself out of it.

Review please :)


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Supernatural.

There Xander standing in front of the door of room 12 in the Holiday Inn. He was debating whether or not to knock on the door or to just back away. On the one hand he still was really mad at her, but on the other he really missed her, and everyone in his old life. He hadn't talked to them since he had left. He had become a hunter almost a month after wards. Then it was almost impossible for them to talk except for occasional emails.

Xander decided it was time to talk, to put all the cards on the table to fix their relationship. He knew it was something they both wanted, but even so it probably would not be easy. It would take admitting that he had also treated her badly, and he would have to forgive her. Xander sighed and starred at the door and then raised his fist and knocked.

Right after he knocked he contemplated just running off, but made himself stay still. It seemed like forever but the door eventually opened.

"Hey Buffy." she was standing there at the door way, with her hair down and wet she had a white tank top on and short black pants.

"Xander." Buffy said stiffly.

"Can I come in?" she looked like she really wanted to say no, but she moved aside and Xander stepped in, he heard the door close and turned around to face Buffy. She had her arms folded across her chest.

"You wanted something." she said frigidly but she was still being nicer then Xander had been.

"Yes I do."

"I'm waiting." Xander sighed and squared his shoulders. He told himself he could do this, he was strong enough to do this. He opened his mouth and said.

"I want us to become friends again, I know it might take awhile to become what we used to be but I'm willing to try if you are."she beamed at him.

"Of course I am, that's why I came here." she moved towards him and he took a step back.

"First of all I need you to apologize to me , and I need you to let me make my own decision about hunting or whatever I want. I also need you to know it's not going to be easy on me, and it probably won't be easy on you either. " he watched her face as she took in what he said, she didn't seem to like the idea at first, then she seemed to contemplate it for a long moment then she slowly nodded. She took a minute then spoke slowly choosing her words carefully.

"I'm willing to admit that I'm not always level-headed , and I don't always think with my head. I'm sorry Xander, I was wrong, you are not useless and I'm sorry if I ever said you were. I don't agree with your decision to hunt at all, but your right it's your choice , your life and after all this time away I have no say in the matter." When he was sure she was done Xander took a deep breath, his turn.

"I'm sorry too, I should have listened when you were trying to make amends before." she gave a small sad smile.

"I probably would have done the same thing if you had tried a month ago. I really do missed you Xander"

"I missed you too." Xander thought that this would be the time to hug but he didn't move forward and this time she didn't either.

"So what now?" Buffy asked. Xander laughed, he didn't know what to do now, it was like they were strangers, he had no idea what was going on her life except for a few rumors he had heard about her. She looked at him questioningly.

"I just realized I have no idea what's going on with you or anyone, other then a few rumors."

"That's about the same I've heard about you, the rumor mill didn't even include the fact that your had a daughter. " the last part came out accusatory.

"You obviously weren't listening to the right rumor mills, because I know for sure that several people know about my daughter." she opened his mouth then closed it.

"Can we not fight?"

"I don't know can we?"he asked.

"I don't know before you left, it seemed like that's all we did was fight." Buffy said sadly.

"We became quite good at it." Xander agreed.

"Anyways, what's going with me is the question you asked? Lots of training , and patrolling at first, and stopping apocalypses . Me and Dawn moved to Italy to finish her education. She graduated from college last year." she still sounded accusatory under her word were the accusation _Why weren't you there? _Xander choose to ignore the accusation for now and instead asked.

"What did she major in?"

" Mythology and Languages."

"That's useful."

"That's all you have to say! You missed all her college years and all you have to say is that's useful!?" he starred at her angry expression. He did feel bad about that he missed all that, he felt bad that he had let Dawn down, her more then anyone else he felt bad about letting Dawn down. Dawn hadn't done anything and he had shut her out of his life as well, but he also wasn't going to let himself be drawn into another fight tonight. Not when he was already tired and he had to get home soon because Em would be waking up soon.

"I'm sorry I left the way that I did, I'm sorry I missed everything," Xander said regretfully " but I don't have time to hash everything out right now. I'm a father and I've got to get home to care of my daughter. Now how long are you staying here?" It took Buffy a few moments before she answered, she seemed to be trying to get her emotion under control.

"I was planning to go back tomorrow morning, but if your planning to come back I can extend my trip for a few more days." she said slowly and carefully.

"That would be helpful, back where?"

"That's right, you don't know anything do you?" a hint of anger back in her voice, Xander fought the urge to response in kind.

"I know there are two slayer headquarters, one in England and one in Cleveland but I don't know which one you call home."

"Cleveland." she said snippy.

"One more thing before I go, can I get Dawn's number?" he asked earnestly. He wasn't sure he could call her but wanted the option.

"I don't know if she wants to talk to you." she said with more then a touch of anger.

"Did you tell her you were coming to see me?" she nodded still looking angry.

"Then she knows you'd see me, what she say when you told her?" Trying to figure out how deep of a hole he had dug himself.

"Nothing, she just looked angry." she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Well, how about you just just give me her number let her decide, and yours, and Willow's too while your at it." he asked.

"Give me your cell phone." he passed it to her and she fiddled with it for a minute then gave it back to him.

"Our names are in there but don't say, I didn't warn you about Dawn."

"I won't." he turned away and started walking to the door.

"Goodbye." she said suddenly. Xander turned around

"Bye Buffy." he said then turned around and walked out the door. After closing the door he leaned against the wall of the hallway. He calmed himself down enough , then he drove back to the Winchester house. He put put the car in park when he got there and starred at the house. What would he find in there his daughter that was a given or else heads would roll. Most likely Sam and Dean unless one of them was out.

He sighed then opened his car door. He made his way into the house he hesitated at the door for a moment then let himself in. He sat next to his sleeping daughter and stroked her hair absently. He heard someone walk into the room he couldn't tell if it was Sam or Dean until the person spoke up.

"How'd it go?" Sam asked he sat down across from him.

"Better then I thought, but still it was strange. We used to be best friends I used to know everything about he,r and all my other friends but I don't anymore. How long did it take Em to fall asleep.." Xander said changing the subject.

"Not long she wore herself out dancing and singing." "Do you want to talk?"

"No, not tonight."

"Alright goodnight."

"Night Sam." he listened to Sam footsteps as he made his way back to the back of the house. Xander kicked off his shoes carefully so he wouldn't wake Em, then Xander closed his eyes and tried to sleep ,but his head wouldn't quiet down he felt for his phone he fingered it for a little bit. He wanted to call Dawn, he wanted to say something to her, but he couldn't, not now with his emotions already heightened so he put his finger back to running through Em's hair and tried to focus on her. She was his life , his love, and joy and he had never left he wouldn't have her . He repeated that in his head until he fell asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

A/N: I am so sorry for the long update time I'm having a bit of writers block for this story.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Em was yelling. He opened his eyes slowly to Em jumping up and down next to him with bacon in her mouth. He smelt the food now, the smell of bacon, eggs and hash browns. He blinked his eyes a few times trying to wake himself up.

"Daddy! Uncle Sam and Dean made breakfast."

"Did they also tell you to wake me up?" she looked back to where the kitchen was.

"They told me to say no." she said. Xander rolled his eyes, but sat up realizing some time during the night he had fallen over. He stood up and saw Dean and Sam looking like they were innocent.

"We didn't want you to miss the bacon." Dean said holding up a piece.

"How very considerate." he said sarcastically. He yawned then stood and walked over to where the food was. He had to admit it smelt good, he picked up a plate and starting filling it with bacon and eggs.

"Who decided to go all Martha Stewart?" he asked.

"Em." they both answered at the same time. Xander tried to keep his face blank.

"So she made them?" he asked nonchalantly. Although in the past whenever Em tried to make something it hardly ever turned out well.

"No she started to make them and then realized she didn't know how, so when the first batch started burning, she grabbed me and told me to fix it." Dean said.

"Which I of course passed to Sam ." he said with a smug smile.

"Yeah thanks for that." Sam said a sarcastic smile.

"Your welcome." Xander laughed and sat down and started eating the meal which tasted as good as it smelled. He had barely started eating when Em started tugging on his hand.

"Daddy play with me! Daddy play with me."

"Why don't you get Sam or Dean to play with you."

"I want to play with you." she kept on tugging on his hand which made his other arm tremble a bit making it harder for him to eat.

"Em I'm eating..." he sighed he was tired but he had been having a lot of other people play with her lately. "Just let me finish my food." Em dropped his hand and a wide grin come over her small face. Xander wondered what she had planned and whether or not he would be able to keep up with her. Xander eat his food very slowly trying to wake up more before playing with Em, but soon the food was all gone. He looked over at Dean and Sam who were smiling knowing at him, and he pried himself from the chair he didn't really want to leave.

"Alright what have you got in mind." her smile was perfectly innocent but Xander knew he was in for quite the day.

He was right at dinner he was exhausted. How was it so exhausting to play with Em? How in the world did such a small body have so much energy? And she still had energy, she was now tugging on Dean's hand trying to get him to play with her after Xander had told her he needed to rest. But at least while he was playing with Em he hadn't been thinking about them. Now with his body exhausted he had nothing to do but think about them. He had Dawn and Willow's numbers, he knew he should call them to get the lines of communication open again, but if Buffy's reaction was anything to go by it wouldn't be a pretty conversation.

It took him a few hours to talk himself into it but he finally did.

"I need to make a phone call will you guys watch over Em for a second."

"Sure." Sam said. Xander eyes swept over Em for a second before making his way down the hall and into the bathroom. He closed the door and took out his phone he went to his contact and flickered between Dawn's and Willow's numbers. He finally rested on Dawn's number, he took a deep breath and hesitated before pushing the talk button. He listened intently as it rung once twice three times then he heard.

"Hello?"

"Hey Dawn." he said like he hadn't ignored her and not talked to her for years.

"Xander?" her tone was clipped and he could tell she was angry.

"Okay, I know I deserve whatever you think about me or say to me I shouldn't have stayed away for so long."

"No you shouldn't have, but you should have at least keep in contact!"

"Yes I should have-"

"I'm not done ,I wouldn't know anything about what was going in your life if it wasn't for magic."

"Your practicing magic?" he asked concerned.

"Yes I am but you wouldn't know would you because you haven't bothered to. Look Xander I have to go somewhere and I can't talk about this right now." she hung up on him.

"

Yeah that's exactly how I thought it would go." he said to himself he didn't really blame her he hadn't kept in touch like he said he would and while at first they might have been able to find him, he had gotten into hunting fairly quick and after that it would have been very hard to track him down.

Review please :)


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

After the not so good conversation with Dawn yesterday, Xander had decided to talk to Buffy again. He knew that he should call Willow but he was dreading making the call, so he decided he wanted to get more information before trying to call her. So here he was at her door again wondering what kind of conversation they would have today.

Buffy knew he was coming this time, and so when she answered the door her face was guarded, but she stepped back from the door the Sunnydale version of come in. He stepped into her hotel room and looked around the room for any threats, mostly on instinct since he doubted very much that something evil would be stupid enough to be in a slayers room without her permission. Buffy gestured to the small table and it's two chairs, and Xander sat down in one of the chairs, and Buffy sat down across from him. Today Buffy was wearing a green shirt and jeans they starred at each other for a long moment neither of them saying anything to the other.

"So." Buffy started.

"So." Xander echoed awkwardly. There was a few more minutes of silence then Xander asked. "I called Dawn." Buffy snorted.

"How'd that go?" Xander didn't like her tone but tried to ignore it.

"Not well."

"I'll bet." she said snottily again.

"Yeah well I knew it wasn't going to go well, and it didn't you don't have to rub my face into it." Xander snapped.

"So what? You deserve a prize for knowing how badly you screwed up?" Buffy shot back.

"Look I deserve this from Dawn, but not from you you chased me away!"

"No I was just trying to keep you safe, you ran away!"Xander opened his mouth to retort ,when he realized how badly things were going. He took a few deeps breaths to calm himself down before he said.

"Will we ever be able to talk without being at each other throats?" Buffy took a while to answer, probably calming herself down as well.

"Maybe in time." she answered quietly. "So is it okay if I ask you about your personal life?"

"You can ask, and depending what you ask about I'll answer what I feel like." Xander said slowly.

"Fair enough, and I'll do the same."

"So what have been doing these last few years, other then hunting, and being a father."

"Not much, being a hunter and a father are pretty much all I do but I have worked construction jobs here and there over the years. How about you?"

"Trying to have a somewhat normal life." she paused and Xander wondered if he was supposed to say anything, talking had never been so awkward with him as it was now. She continued after a few moments "After the new watchers council was set up, I took a less direct role in being a Slayer, I let Faith train the girls. Me and Dawn moved to Rome where I'm not sure if you've heard on or not but the rumor mills says I dated the immortal which I didn't." he had heard that and he was glad it wasn't true. "In fact I didn't date for 3 years."he didn't believe her,3 years she hadn't gone without a date in 3 months in all the time he had known her. He noticed then that her face shut down and became blank, she starred at him in a non too pleasant way. Maybe she thought she shared too much or something. Then he realized his facial expression showed his surprise.

"You don't believe me do you."she scoffed.

"Look Buffy in all the time I known you, you were never really the kind to stay away from guys. "

"And you weren't very responsible, in fact you left Anya at the altar and yet now your a father. You don't think I can change too?"

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to, maybe you should go." she said in a huff and turned her body away from him and starred at the opposite wall. Xander sighed

.

"Buffy this trying to fix our relationship it not going to happen over night, in fact the gap between us might be too big to overcome, but shouldn't we try?"

"I was trying I was telling you a whole lot more then you told me, and you couldn't believe I stayed single for 3 years."

"Because the last time I saw you you hadn't gone 3 months being single."

"Like I can't grow as a person...okay your right not going to happen overnight and we should cut each other a little slack. It's just I'm not in a particularly sharing mood at the moment."

"Okay so maybe we don't talk about us, maybe we talk about the others. Willow, Dawn, Giles, the mini slayers."

"Okay I might be able to do that. Giles is really enjoying being head of the watchers council, being able to boss everyone around. Dawn well I've already told you we moveed to Rome and she graduated from College. Willow the last time you saw her...she was dating Kennedy wasn't she?"

"Yeah she was."

"They broke up a few months after you left. She moved on right now she's dating a girl called Tiffany. "

"Is.. is she happy?"

"Why don't you ask her in person."

"I already tried that with Dawn it didn't go well, right now I'll think I'll stick with second hand information."

"Waiting is just going to make it worse..well look how long we waited and how well it's going for us."Xander got her point, he still wasn't sure he could call Willow yet so soon after having called Dawn. Xander try to grasp another topic of conversation one that wouldn't get them into a fight.

"I've heard about the guys you've taken in the last couple of years, kudos."

"Yeah I've heard a little bit about the guys you've taken down as well." _Not as useless as you thought_ he barely managed to stop himself from saying. This whole finding topics of conversation that didn't end in fighting thing was really hard. Maybe what they really needed at this point was break from each other and time to reflect and what they were willing to share with each other and what they weren't.

"Buffy I think we need to take a break, pick this back up again some other time."

"Yeah that's probably a wise choice so it doesn't come to blows." she said. Xander got up

"I guess I should go then."

"Yeah you should you really should call Willow though, she really would love to hear your voice."

"I'll think about it." he walked to the hotel door and noticed there wasn't any salt lining the doorway, he hadn't noticed when he had come last time because at the time he had been so nervous. He turned back to her and grabbed a small container of salt he kept on him just in case and said.

"I know you come from the hell mouth but outside of it things are different, and you really need to learn to protect yourself from them or well just stay on the hellmouth. He uncapped his salt and poured a thin line on the windows and then poured one across the doorway. When he looked up at Buffy she looked confused and a little angry.

"Why did you do that?"

"It'll protect you."

"From what?"

"Ghost for one."

"Ghosts?" she looked about ready to start round 2, Xander put up a hand to stop whatever she was about to say.

'"Just don't break the lines okay?" she didn't look very happy and it took her a long time but eventually she nodded, and that was good enough for him. He made his way out the door being sure to not break the salt lines, and he turned around and saw Buffy on the other side of the door holding the handle. They both starred at each other for a few minutes unsure of what to say. In the end Xander just waved and Buffy waved back and as soon as Xander turned his back he heard the door shut.

Review please :)


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Supernatural.

Xander had been back at the Winchesters house for about a half a day, when his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and sighed it was Buffy, he didn't really want to answer it, but he was supposed to try and the good thing about a phone call instead of an in person visit was that they could hang up if things got heated.

"Hello." he answered the phone.

"Hi Xander I just want to I'm sorry about our last talk... I just...I...I don't know...I got so angry.. I spent the last few years being angry with you and I guess even though I want to just talk with you...that's no excuse. I'm sorry." Xander sighed.

"I'm sorry too."

"Maybe we should always talk on the phone this conversation is already going much better then our last one." Buffy said with a small laugh.

"Yeah maybe."

"So I also called to tell you you I'm going back to Cleveland Headquarters." Xander knew that would have to happen sooner or later.

"When are you going?"

"Tonight." there was a long pause in the conversation in which Xander scrambled to come up with something else to say.

"Have you called Willow yet?" he should have been faster.

"No but I will." another long pause.

"So hunting...is it okay if I ask you about hunting?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah."

"So you hunt...and you hunt with the Winchesters."

"Sometimes."

"Well your a fountain of information...sorry."she said apologetically.

"The Winchesters are very private people, I don't want to talk about them without their permission." there was another pause and Xander knew that since he had shot down the last topic of conversation it was his turn to come up with one.

" How's Rona?" he had completely forgot to ask about her before.

"She's fine, she returned home and is living a normal life she comes here- well there every once in awhile. I have her number and Giles too if you want to contact them."

"Yeah that would be nice." Xander took down their numbers. Even more people he needed to apologize to. He shook his head, he needed to think of something else to talk about, unfortunately nothing was coming to mind.

After a great deal of silence Xander said.

"So I'll talk to you later." Xander wanted to end this conversation on a positive note which hadn't happened lately.

"Yeah I'll talk to you later." Buffy said. Xander hung up the phone and took in a deep breath. He starred down at his cell phone for a long moment and before he could change his mind he dialed Willow's number and waited with baited breath for someone to answer the call.

"Hello." it was her voice, Willow's voice he hadn't heard it years.

"Hello." she said again, this time Xander answered.

"Hey Willow." there was silence for a long time so long he was afraid that the call had been dropped.

"Willow?"

"Xander?"the way she spoke his name broke his heart and made him feel like every bit of the jerk he was for not calling.

"Yeah it's me."

"Xander...Xander are...are you okay?" This conversation was so much harder then the one he had with Buffy or Dawn because they had been angry and anger was much easier to deal with then this, this concern and hurt that bleed into every word.

"I'm fine Willow...I'm sorry most of all, I really did mean to call before now." that excuse sounded lame even to his ears even though he had been very busy over the years he still should have found time to drop them a line. "How...how are you?"

"Xander...I really missed you." he could hear the tears in her voice and he answered back.

"I know I missed you too, and I'm so sorry."

"I want to see you in person." her tone left no room for argument he sighed.

"Yeah of course just tell me where."

"The School in Cleveland."

"Okay I'll be there as soon as I can."

"You better mister or there will be hell to pay." Willow hung up the phone, and Xander just starred at it for awhile. He was going to Cleveland, he was going to see them in person, see all the anger and pain. But it was past time and he wanted to see them in person as well. He started packing up their things and halfway through the packing Em noticed.

"Daddy are we leaving again?" she asked pouting, she asked loudly enough so that Xander knew that Sam and Dean had also heard the question. He put down his bag and picked up Em and brought her into the living room where Sam and Dean were.

"Me and Em we're going to see them." he told them. They both nodded like they knew this was coming all along and maybe they had.

"Okay well have fun." Dean said.

"Yeah very doubtful it will be any fun."

"But Daddy I don't want to go."

"We gotta to go see some of Daddy's friends."

"Grandpa Bobby?" Xander smiled he knew the old man hated that name but he shook his head.

"It's some friends I haven't seen in awhile."

"Do we have to?" she whined. Xander smiled part of him was asking himself the exact same question, did they have to go? But they did they had to go they had to fix this.

"Yes Em we do." Em sighed like it was the end of the world.

"Okay." Xander went back to packing up their things, it didn't take very long. He put their stuff down in the living room and looked at Dean and Sam which were looking at him.

"Want to come with?" it was meant to be a joke but he found then he wanted them to say yes, at the same time he knew the last thing he should do if bring people they hadn't met to a first meeting in a long time.

"You made it sound so fun." Dean said sarcastically.

"So I guess I'll see ya when I see ya?"

"Yeah."

"Em!" Xander called and Em came into the room and threw herself into Dean's arms then Sam's. She looked at him teary eyed and Xander almost told her never mind but it was something he needed to do and he couldn't back out of it now.

"Say bye to Sam and Dean." he told her. She waved weakly at them and her voice trembled a little bit.

"Bye Uncle Sam and Uncle Dean." He waved to them as well and they waved back. He grabbed their bags and went out the door making sure Em was following him.

Please Review :)


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

A/N: I apologize again for the time between chapters this time I had almost all of it written and my computer blanked almost half of it and I had a horrible time trying to remember what I wrote. Added to fact that I have severe writers block for this story

After driving for several days and canceling his lease at the house they were staying at, he made it to Cleveland Headquarters. He parked in the parking lot and starred up at it for awhile. This was where the fight had happened, the fight that had lead him to hunting. His thought train got interrupted by his daughter. His daughter had been chattering for the last 3 hours non-stop about nothing he could figure out anyways, but this time what she said made sense.

"Are we here?" she asked hopefully, she liked playing and didn't really like being stuck in the car for a long time, he suspected few kids her age would. He looked back at the building again and said.

"Yeah we're here."

"This place is big."she said her eyes wide in awe.

"Daddy helped build this place." well remodel he amended in his head but he doubted Em would understand what remodeling was, her little eyes widened even more.

"What is this place?"

"It's where people are trained to fight bad guys."

"A superhero school?" she said with awe "Daddy can I came here next year?!"

"It's for older girls." she looked disappointed.

He sighed and made his way to the back and unbuckled her, he left their duffel bags in the car and the only weapon he had on his person was a knife on his ankle. He picked her out of her seat, sat her on his hip, closed the door and locked it.

"Daddy I want to walk." Em complained. He didn't listen he wanted her as close to him as possible, to give him strength. He walked across the parking lot and stared at the front doors as he was doing so. Never had a set of door looked so intimidating as they did right now.

"Daddy!" Em complained again louder, then she started squirming, once they were on the sidewalk Xander reluctantly let her down to the ground but grabbed her hand. The door steady got larger and soon he was standing in front of them. He hadn't realized he had stopped until Em started tugging on his hand, still he couldn't seem to move.

"Daddy...Daddy... Daddy!" Xander look over at her "Why aren't we moving !" she demanded.

"I...just need a moment." she looked confused, she didn't understand of course. He needed to knock on the door, he used to just open it and stroll inside, but that had been back when he had lived here. He had to knock on the door, he looked at Em maybe he could get her to knock on the door. Xander shook his head, he was the father, the parental figure here, he couldn't have Em do things just because he was scared to do it himself.

He raised his fist and after several long moments he let it fall to the wood. The knock seemed very loud to him and he did his best to reign in his nerves. It took a while, so long that Xander wondered if maybe he hadn't knocked loud enough, but eventually someone opened the door...and he had no idea who it was. It was obvious a mini-slayer, but one that must have come after his time, and judging by the look she was giving him she didn't exactly trust him, although once her eyes went over to Em her face changed. Everybody liked Em.

"Hi, I'm here to see Willow." he said. She looked suspicious again. "I'm a friend of hers, she knows I'm coming."

"Let me check on that." she closed the door. Em looked at him in a confused fashion and he looked at her back, not really sure how to explain really any of this. The door opened a few minutes later and the same mini-slayer stood there, she opened the door wider and stepped aside, the Hellmouth version of come in. Xander held Em's hand as they stepped over the threshold and looked at the room he found himself in. It was the lobby of the old hotel, remodeled into a room with a lots of couches. There was a wall that went half way through the room, a thick wall on the other side of the wall was a tv, or really a projection screen and a projector, unless things had changed since he had installed it on there.

"She up on the fifth floor, room #514." Xander nodded. In the middle of the wall there was an elevator and that was where they had to go to get to the 5th floor. Xander started towards the elevator, when he saw her.

"Dawn." he breathed, Dawn looked angry she walked right up to him and Xander pulled Em behind himself so that she wouldn't see whatever happened. Of course she kept on trying to get out from behind him but he didn't let her.

"Xander!" she looked about ready to hit him, so he released Em in case she did and he had to go backwards. Em of course came from behind him, then in front of him between Dawn and himself. The anger in Dawn's eyes was heightened for a moment, that he saw her glance go from her to him again and again each time anger was ebbing out replaced with hurt and confusion, he was pretty sure he liked the anger better.

"Xander is she...yours?" he liked the way she phrased that question a lot more then he liked the way that Buffy did.

"Yeah Dawn this is Em my daughter."

"You've had a daughter, this whole time and you've never said anything."

"It's been complicated." he said lamely.

"How?"

"I was hunting I got so into the life and then I met someone.." he trailed off as Em started going towards her and Dawn noticed that as well she looked unsure of herself.

"Daddy?" Em said.

"Yes Em."

"Why are we here?"

"We're here to see some of Daddy's old friends."

"Are you Daddy's friend?" she asked Dawn. Dawn sort of fell onto her knees in front of Em.

"We were good friends."

"What happened?" she asked. Dawn looked at him.

"Daddy wasn't a good friend." he said softly also kneeling in back of her. She looked between them.

"Why not?" she asked.

"He got distracted... and he."

"I can't do this right now I have to go." Dawn interrupted and rushed away, Xander starred after her.

"Daddy are you okay?" Xander blinked and pulled his eyes away from Dawn's retreating back to look down at Em, he smiled a very fake smile.

"I'm fine Em." he walked the rest of the way to the elevator and pushed the up button. After waiting a few minutes the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Xander and Em got into the elevator.

"Can I push the button?" Em asked, and Xander nodded Em pushed the 5 button and the doors closed. The numbers on the elevator seemed to go up quickly, much quicker then he remembered them going up before. Was it nerves or did they improve the elevator speed? The elevator doors seemed to open in no time at all.

The fifth floor was full of meeting rooms, it was the only floor other then the first floor which didn't have spells it disallowing people who weren't in the wards. His nerves increased as he stepped out of the elevator and started toward room 514 in what seemed like no time at all he was in front of the door. He raised his arm to what probably seemed to Em like slow motion, and after a long moment let it connect to the door. He heard the sound reverberate and waited. The door opened moment later to Willow. She looked the same and yet different, she had more lines on her face and she had a few gray hairs but she still exuded the essence of being Willow.

"Xander?"

"Yeah?" he wasn't sure what he was expecting, but what he got was a big long hug, which made him feel even guiltier. She eventually pulled apart and started looking him up and down, which was when her eyes zeroed in to Em, who had no idea what was going on since she was playing with a pen or something. His eyes narrowed he hadn't given her that pen, she must have found it on the ground.

"Put the pen down." he said firmly.

"But Daddy?" she complained.

"No, put the pen down." she turned her bottom lip down, but put the pen down she crossed her arms.

"Your daughter?" his eyes turned back to Willow who was looking between the two of them shocked.

"Yeah this is Em."

"How old is she?"

"I'm five." she said holding up her hand to show her.

"She'll be going to school next year." he said fondly. Willow squatted down to Em's level scanning her as well. He could see her right eye from this angle and it was teary.

"Hi Em, I'm Willow."

"Willow is a pretty name, you have lot of books like Grandpa Bobby." Xander winced and wondered if Willow would recognize the name or not.

"Grandpa Bobby." she said faintly.

"Yeah Grandpa Bobby, he's old but he let's me watch tv and eat cookies. but I'm not supposed to play in certain places cause it's dangerous." the last part she said as if she were telling a secret( which she probably was) complete with her hand cupping her mouth. She put her hand down and looked at Willow then grabbed her hair and pulled it towards her.

"Em!" Xander said sharply, Em dropped her hair.

"Your hair is so pretty." at his look she added "Sorry."

"It's okay." she said, but she run her hand over her scalp which was evidence to the contrary.

"I'm bored do you have any puzzles?" Em asked. Willow smiled and went pass the long table to the shelf on the other side of the room. She pulled out a few puzzles and put them on the table. Em got started on them right away. Willow walked back over to him and they sat on the opposite end of the table from Em giving them some distance and privacy.

"I'm so so so sorry." Xander said after a long moment.

"It's okay." she said smiling, thus showing how awesome Willow was and how undeserving he was to have a friend like her.

"No it's not okay." he said shaking his head.

"Xander, yes I'm hurt that we didn't talk for awhile, but you will make it up to me, we're going to talk now and you are going to tell me everything and I mean everything about your life."

"That seems fair." Xander said. "More then fair." he said after another moment.

"And the first thing I want to know is Grandpa Bobby. That wouldn't happen to be Bobby Singer would it?"

"Yeah it is." Willow nodded.

"The Winchesters, have they been looking after you?" Xander nodded, and Willow nodded.

"You had a daughter." she said gesturing to Em. Xander smiled.

"Yeah I had a daughter."

"And she's five."

"Yep she's five and very energetic." Xander said fondly.

"Where's Em mom ...if you don't mind my asking." Xander's smiled faded.

"She's no longer with us."

"Oh I'm so sorry Xander."

"It's okay it happened 4 years ago." he lied.

"Xander, Tara died over 15 years ago, it's still not okay but I've been able to move on." How did she still know him so well after all this time apart. That's the reason, he suddenly knew why he had stayed away at first, he had just been busy. Then he had been in love, so completely focused on his love that there wasn't any room for anything else. After her death he should have gotten in contact with them though, but didn't because he knew that Willow and Dawn and maybe even Buffy would know how much he was hurting, and unlike Sam and Dean who repressed everything and buried it so far it never saw the light of day they would make him talk about it, and he didn't want to talk about it. Not that any of those were good reasons, but he was pretty sure that was a good part why.

"Can we not talk about her?" she nodded but he swore her Xander X-ray goggles were on, and seeing everything he worked so hard to hide from everyone including himself. They continued talking for hours, Xander skirting around issues he didn't want to talk about, while also telling her a great deal about his life.

He learned a lot about Willow too. She worked at Headquarters as a teacher, she was also dating a woman named Cassandra for about 2 years now, and apparently they were very serious. Cassandra wasn't there at the time though, so he wouldn't be able to met her till later. Although if she loved Willow half as much as Willow seemed to love her, she would probably be pretty angry with him so he was glad he would have some time before he met her. They had talked for hours when Em interrupted.

"Daddy I'm hungry." she said while tugging on his hand. Xander looked away from Willow and to his daughter.

"Yeah we should probably go somewhere to eat. Did you want to come?" he asked her somewhat awkwardly.

"I'd love to, but I have some things to do, classes, papers to grade. You should stay here, we have the room."

"I'm not so sure. Dawn's here and she not so okay with me at the moment, I don't want her to have to see me unless she wants to. I think it may be better if I just stay in town until things get better between the two of us."

"If your sure?"

"I think it would be best." Xander said.

"Alright I have classes and papers till late but tomorrow we should have breakfast I'll even let you buy." Xander smiled, he had a feeling he was going to be buying Willow a lot of things to make the separation between them up.

"I would love you buy you breakfast."

"Daddy I'm hungry." Em complained, the whine in her voice had increased from the last time she had said it. If he didn't get her fed soon she would get into shrill territory.

"We should probably go." he said apologetically.

"See you at breakfast tomorrow."

"see you then", he said with a smile. Em started pulling at his hand and he got to his feet, he gave Willow one last smile then left the room.

He let Em pull him towards the elevator and let her push the lobby button. The floors flew by and the door opened. He both hoped and didn't want Dawn to be there in the Lobby, a brief look around the Lobby showed that she wasn't anywhere in view. Em pulled him out of the Lobby, into the parking lot and back to their car. She kept on tugging on the door handle , Xander spared one last glance at headquarters before unlocking the car and getting Em settled in. He went around to the drivers side and got in and drove off.

Review please :)


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The place he was staying at had an indoor pool and Em wanted to spend every waking minute in it. So Xander was watching spent a few hours watching her closely to make sure she didn't drown. She had started shivering after that and he to pull her very reluctantly out of the swimming pool. He wrapped her in a towel and she had wrapped her arms around his neck as he was doing this. He smiled and picked her up and carried her to the short distance to their hotel room.

He gave her some clothes to change into and she disappeared into the bathroom. She came back after a minute changed into some green shorts and a blue t-shirt. She came to him again and wrapped her arms around his legs. He picked her up and sat her down on the second bed in their hotel, the one closest to the bathroom, and she smiled at him in a kind of sleepy matter. Xander checked the time it was only 6 o'clock, it was kind of early for her to be this tired. He had let her spend too much time in the pool, but at least he wouldn't have to fight her to sleep this time around but they hadn't eaten yet. He hadn't even thought about what they were going to eat.

"Daddy." Em said interrupting his thoughts.

"Yeah honey?" he asked. She yawned first, a great big yawn.

"I'm tired." she said then yawned again.

"I know sweetie."

"Daddy?"

"Yeah."

"Why aren't we with Uncle Sam and Uncle Dean?" he stroked her hair and her eyes started to close so he stopped. She looked up at him again her eyes imploring him.

"We're here to see Daddy's old friend." she blinked a several times, and he had a feeling she didn't even process his answer. Yep, he had definitely let her swim way too long.

"Daddy." she mumbled as her eyes kept closing.

"Yeah?" he said softly, she wasn't going to be staying up, so maybe he wasn't the best father but he was going to let her sleep even though they hadn't had dinner yet. It probably would have been fast food or take-out anyways.

"Daddy." she mumbled again and then she was asleep. He stroked her hair again. He loved Em so much, he got up from the bed after several minutes.

Since Xander had nothing to do till breakfast tomorrow he decided to make a few calls. He scrolled to a name on his phone and after a long moment of hesitation hit a name and waited as the phone rang.

"Hello."

"Hey Giles." he said awkwardly.

"Xander?"

"Yeah it's me." a few years ago he would have probably added an annoying nickname. He wasn't that person anymore, plus he wouldn't do that after years of not talking to him.

"How are you?" Giles asked him.

"Good...good...you?"

"Very well"

"Look Giles, I'm sorry about not remaining in contact with you over the last several years."

"I admit I have been a tad worried about you." Xander grimaced.

"Sorry about that Giles."

"Buffy tells me you have a daughter."

"Yeah her name is Em." he smiled as he looked down at his sleeping daughter.

"Do it suit you?" Xander grinned. He took a picture of Em with his phone and sent the picture to Giles.

"6 o'clock and she's out like a light." he said a laugh.

"How old is she?" Xander smiled dimmed a little as he was reminded of their separation.

"She's 5."

"And her mother?"Xander smile disappeared.

"Deceased." he managed to choke out.

"I'm sorry." Xander nodded then stopped when he realized he was on the phone.

"Thank you." he said instead.

"So you still hunt?" it wasn't exactly phrased like a question but he still answered it like it was.

"Yeah...yeah I do...just took out a ghost the other day." he added.

"That's well...very well." Giles said.

"Yeah." Xander said.

"How about you? You doing anything interesting."

"I'm still a watcher." Xander nodded, and opened his mouth to ask him about whether or not he enjoyed it when Giles suddenly said.

"I'm sorry Xander but I have to go right now."

"I'll call again soon."

"It's been a pleasure to hear from you Xander."

"Yeah you too." he hung up well Giles didn't seem particularly angry. That was good wasn't it? He looked down at Em and looked at her. He was a little hungry but he wasn't going to wake Em, just he could eat and there was no way he was going to leave her alone. He might as well make the second call he was planning on making. He scrolled down to Rona's name and hit the button and waited as it rung a few times before it was picked up.

"Hello." it was her voice.

"Rona?" there was a long pause.

"Xander is that you?"

"Yeah it's me."

"Where are you? Where have you been? Are you okay?"

"Headquarters, all around hunting, and I'm fine."

"You haven't thrown me or anyone else that I know of a line in years."

"Yeah I was kind of distant."

"Why?" Rona could at times very frank this seemed to be one of those times, no beating around the bush for her.

"Several reasons, none of them good enough." he said tiredly he should have done this tomorrow it more emotionally draining then he had thought it would be. "I am sorry though." he said earnestly. "Really sorry." he added again when Rona didn't respond right away.

"You okay though."

"A little worse for wear but I'm still kicking."

"That's good, I've been so worried about you."

"Sorry." he said said again it all he seemed to say lately. There was a long pause so long that Xander checked to make sure that the call hadn't been dropped.

"Rona are you there?" he asked.

"Yeah I'm here." Rona said then another shorter pause and then she asked.

"Your at Cleveland headquarters right?"

"Yeah why?" he asked.

"I'm on the next flight to Cleveland." the phone was disconnected.

"Oh okay." Xander said to the suddenly disconnected phone, then shut it and put it back in his jacket. Rona was coming to see him. She was coming to see him. That was just a lot of information and very draining. He got on the bed closest to the door which was more comfortable then it had any right to be.

So both of them were going to bed before 8 and without dinner...he found that kind of funny as he feel asleep.

Review please :)


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the vampire Slayer or Supernatural.

"I want pancakes!" Em said loudly. She stood up for a second on the booth before Xander sat her back down.

"Pancakes for Em, I think I'll get french toast." he said to the waitress apologetically.

"I think I'll take some steak and eggs." she said then folded up her menu, as Xander did as in addition to Em's and handed them to the waitress. Who left the table. He had wanted to put this off longer but he had to know.

"Willow have you talked to Dawn?"

"I talked to her a bit last night." she admitted..

"And how is she?" he asked.

"I am not a telephone...If you want to know you have to ask to her." Xander nodded, he thought he was probably going to get an answer like that.

"Did she say anything about being willing to talk to me?"

"I'm not getting between you two Xander, please don't ask me to." Xander nodded, he was lucky enough that one of his friend had forgiven him easily, he didn't want to push her beyond her comfort level.

"Sorry." he apologized. Willow just gave him a strain smile back.

"So you told me Rebecca was in France. What's she doing there?"

"Her grandmother is French, she goes there twice a year with her mom and dad, and little sister for vacation for two weeks." Xander nodded. He did a lot of states traveling, but not a lot of out of states traveling. Not because he afraid of flying like Dean, but because it was hard to bring weapons on planes and he usually had plenty of work in the states. Not to mention Em, she had trouble sitting still for long periods of time and sometimes others found her chattering to be annoying. Which in turn made him pretty angry. He didn't like it when people hurt his daughters feelings even little things like calling her annoying. He was extremely protective of Em and anyone who knew him knew that.

"Have you ever been?" Willow smiled faded into a sad look.

"I met her there." oh something he would know if he hadn't been away.

"Oh." the conversation lapsed into silence, of course with Em there there wasn't usually silence for long.

"Do you like unicorns." she asked Willow, Willow gave an amused smile.

"Yes I like unicorns."

"How about fairies?" Willow nodded.

"I like those too."

"How about penguins." Willow just nodded sensing a theme.

"How about horses?" Willow nodded.

"How about mermaids?" Willow nodded. Xander was going to have to distract Em so that Em didn't spend all of breakfast asking Willow what she liked.

"Em look at these crayons." he picked one up and picked up a kids menu. She looked at it disinterestedly.

"Okay." he sighed, then gave her his phone which she took with relish.

"Already a gaming addict at 5." he said kind of sadly.

"You seem to be a great father."

"Thanks Willow." he smiled.

"No problem." she said.

"Rona's coming" he blurted out.

"Is she?"

"Yeah I called her last night, she talked to me all of five seconds then said she was coming to Cleveland."

"Well that's good isn't it? I mean you'll get to see her talk face to face with her."

"Yeah if she not coming on a plane to kill me."

"She's not going to kill you Xander."

"You don't know that for sure. Maybe she didn't want to tell me on the phone in case I had plans to run."

"Or maybe she just wants to see you in person." Xander nodded although he wasn't sure.

"I called Giles too, he was very cool about it."

"See that's good." Xander nodded. They sat in silence for a little while but it wasn't uncomfortable and then the waitress brought them food.

"Pancakes!" Em said loudly as she as she saw them and tried to stand on the booth again but Xander managed to prevent her from doing so. The pancakes were put in front of the 5 year old who looked at them in delight then started digging in with her fork. She didn't quite have the ability to cut her own pancakes well, so Xander took her knife and fork and cut the pancakes into manageable sizes for her. He then handed the plate back to Em who grinned at him and started eating the pancakes. He cut his own french toast and watched Em and Willow eat their respective breakfasts.

Boy was he hungry. He wolfed down the french toast and still had room to spare, which was good since Em hardly ever eat all the food she was given even from the kids menu. Her pancakes didn't look too bad either, of course he couldn't have them until she pushed away her plate. He looked back to Willow who was eating at a much more gentle pace then he had been. He wondered if she realized that he had no money, no real stable money at least. He did what other hunters did and hustled pool and run credit cards scams. He'd pay for this meal with hustling money it seemed slightly more honest. Em finished before Willow, he knew because when she was done she pushed away her food and said.

"I'm done." she was consistent about it at least, she never waited a few minutes then picked up the fork again.

"You sure?" he asked anyways. Em nodded her head. Xander slid the plate over to himself and starting at it. Willow finished first the second time around and she politely waited for him to finish which he did a few moments later. Xander waved a waitress over and asked for their check. Once she left Xander looked at Willow and Em in comfortable silence until their check came back. After he paid the check they got all their stuff together and made their way outside, where they paused a little bit away from the front door of the place.

"We should met for breakfast again tomorrow. My treat again." he offered. Willow smiled.

"Thanks but I'll pay for my meal tomorrow." Xander knew he should probably decline, but he didn't really have much in the way of money and wanted to use the credit card scam as little as possible.

"So see you then?" he asked.

"See you then."


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

They had just gotten back to their motel when Xander fished his phone out of his jacket. He had put the phone of silent so it wouldn't ring during their meeting. He took it out and saw he had one missed call from Sam. He dialed his voicemail and heard Sam voice.

"Hey Xander nothing's wrong or anything but when can you call me back when you get this message?" Xander deleted the message and hung up his voicemail and called Sam. Sam answered on the third ring.

"Hello."

"Hey Sam." he said with a smile it was nice to talk to someone who wasn't angry at him and it wasn't awkward talking to.

"Hey Xander."

"Sam! Uncle Sam is on the phone!" Em shouted loudly. Xander laughed and handed her the phone who starting talking to Sam super quickly, so fast he doubted Sam was able to understand too much of it.

"Can I talk to Uncle Dean?" she asked about five minutes later. She was quiet for a few moments then started talking again just as quickly.

"Daddy, Uncle Dean says he wants to talk to you." Xander smiled and took the phone from Em.

"Xander do you know what in the world anything Em was talking about?" Dean asked. He shook his head then realized he was on the phone so Dean wouldn't be able to see it.

"Not a clue."

"So how are the reunions going?" his smiled faded a little.

"Some are better then others." he said vaguely.

"So are you wrapped up there?" it took him a few seconds to process that and get at what he was probably getting at.

"You have a hunt?"

"Yeah but if your busy we can probably take care of it just the two of of us." He wanted to take the hunt a lot, but he also wondered if they would look upon him taking the hunt as turning away. He didn't want to take that chance. Dawn was still angry with him and him and Buffy were in a very unstable place where even a perceived slight could send them backwards.

"I should probably stay here."

"That's a shame we could have used you but we'll be fine without you." Xander smiled he was glad they had wanted for the hunt, he was pretty sure they would be able to tackle it without him. Sam and Dean were the best hunters he knew.

"Thanks for the invite, if you guys need help call me and let me know."

"Will do, did you want to talk to Sam?" yeah he probably should.

"Yeah." he said.

"Alright." a few seconds later Sam's voice came over the line.

"Hello."

"Hey Sam, you left me a message to call you?"

"It was just about the hunt Dean talked to you about." Xander nodded.

"Oh I see, I told him I couldn't go."

"Yeah I kind of gathered that."

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Arizona."

"You'll let me know if you get in over your head's right?"

"Yep."

"Alright, I'll call you later."

"Yeah you too." he hung up the phone. Em was looking at him.

"So Em do you want to go swimming." he winced at the shrill level of her scream that echoed through their room and probably a few others when he had asked the question.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Rona had called again, her flight was getting in a few hours, he had been unable again to ascertain why she was coming in that phone call either. Willow had classes and Buffy and Xander had another phone scheduled for about an hour from then. So Xander had nothing to do till Rona flight got in later in the day. So he was on his phone again.

"Hey Dawn I was wondering if we you know could talk...call me anytime...day or night...please Dawn." he hung up this wasn't the first time he had asked Dawn to talk to him, it was somewhere between his 8th and 11th time he had lost the exact count a few calls back. He sighed. Em climbed onto his lap and put her little arms around him. Xander smiled, Em always knew when he needed a hug.

"Daddy why are you sad?"

"Because Daddy's friend is angry at him."

"Why?" she asked. He really hoped she wasn't in a why loop where she would just keep asking why and why although supposedly you could figure out all of life mysteries with that loop.

"Because." he said shortly he didn't really want to get into it again.

"Daddy can we go swimming."

"We just came back from swimming."

"But we weren't there very long."

"That's because last time we both fell asleep too early."

"But Daddy." she whined.

"Em." Xander said exhausted more emotionally then physically. Her constant questions were really getting to him at the moment. He flopped onto his back on the bed and starred up the ceiling.

"Daddy are you going to sleep?" Em little voice asked him.

"No." he said.

"Are you mad at me?" Xander grimaced and pulled himself into a sitting position, he looked at her in the eyes.

"No...why would you think that?"

"You seem mad." she said.

"I'm not mad, I'm just a little tired."

"Daddy when are we going back home?" Xander sighed again, he had explained this to her more then once.

"Em I told you we aren't going back to the house"

"Why not?" okay now he was getting annoyed, but his did his best to keep it out of his voice.

"Because we're here."

"Why are we here?"

"Let's go swimming again." he said anything to get out of answering anymore questions, he didn't really want to think about. Em smiled and Xander wondered briefly if she somehow planned it, he dismissed it after a moment she was too young for that kind of manipulation. Wasn't she?

A/N: Sorry about the long wait time and short update.


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer

The conversation with Buffy went fairly well no one hung up on the other one. It was time to pick up Rona. Hopefully this conversation would go well. Em at least was tired from swimming and unlikely to ask very many questions of Rona for which was glad.

After he pulled into the airport parking parking space, he unbuckled Em from her car seat and they walked to the baggage claim area. Rona hadn't given him time to speak so let her be surprised like everyone else.

They waited several minutes in which Em kept on trying to grab suitcases that weren't hers. Xander had to back a few steps and hold Ems hand so that she wouldn't do it anymore. He kept looking at the entrance waiting for Rona to step out. He didn't have to wait much longer because a few minutes later Rona strolled into the room She spotted him and she smiled and made her way over to them. The question was I'm happy to see you smile or a I'm going to enjoy giving you hell kind of smile. Rona put her carry on bag down and started towards him. She hugged him tightly and Xander relaxed a little he had fully been expected another yelling session.

"Xander oh my...it's so good to see you finally." The finally was the only word that made it seem like she wasn't over it yet.

"I'm glad to see you too." he said fondly and he was especially if he wasn't going to be yelled at much. That's when Rona noticed Em.

"Xander is she...?" she trailed off. Xander nodded.

"My daughter." he confirmed.

"You have a daughter." Em looked up at her.

"I'm Em." she said tilting her face to look up at her. Rona bent down so that she was at Em's level.

"Hi Em, I'm Rona." Rona said back to her.

"Are you mad at my Daddy too?" Rona glanced over to Xander.

"No." she said and shook her head. Em smiled and grabbed her hand too.

"Good, I don't like it when people yell at Daddy." Em said. Rona shook her head.

"Me either."

"Are you going to come and live with us at the hotel." she looked at him confused.

"Your living in a hotel?"

"Dawn's still mad I don't want her to feel uncomfortable." he explained, she nodded.

"I'm going to be living at headquarters." Xander nodded he knew there was a good possibility that that's where she would go.

"Do you want to go swimming." Em asked. Again was his daughter being sneaky or just wanted to share what she thought was the awesomest experience of swimming with her?

"I think my daughter part fish." came out of his mouth without him thinking about it. His daughter starred at him in horror.

"Mommy was a fish?" she said shocked. Xander shook his head.

"No Em Mommy wasn't a fish you've seen pictures of her before." she shook her head.

"I can't really remember what she looks like." Xander heart broke, had his own grief about her mother death prevented his daughter from knowing about her? He had never meant for that to happen, it had always just been so hard talking about her that he just didn't. His eyes started blurring and he tried to blink back the tears.

"Xander are you okay?" Rona asked. Xander nodded even though it was a lie. Rona seemed to know though, even after all this time, she still seemed to know but she thankfully maintained her distance and allowed him to get his emotions under control. He was going to have to talk to Em about her mother tonight after they dropped off Rona no matter how much it was going to suck, he was the father it was his job to bite the bullet and do it, no matter how much it hurt him. Until then he was going to enjoy catching up with Rona.

"Shall we go now?" he asked her, she nodded her expression asked the question are you okay? Xander nodded, and they made their way out of the airport.

A/N: Sorry for the shortness again but at least you didn't have to wait long for it.


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Xander enjoyed being with Rona catching up with her for the day, eventually Rona asked to be driven from their motel where they had been speaking to headquarters. As Rona went in he looked at headquarters closely, he knew that Dawn was in there and she still hadn't called him back. He wanted to talk to her face to face but he had to wait until she was ready and he would wait as long at it took.

~.~

Xander was calling Dawn...again. Em was up and around chattering on and on about something he had no idea about. He was waiting for the Dawn's voicemail so he could leave yet another voicemail. He had lost track how many voicemails he had left up to this point.

"Hello?" Dawn voice came over the line quietly.

"Dawn?" he said momentarily shocked that he had actually gotten her on the telephone. "Dawn I-"

"I heard your messages all 15 of them and I'm willing to see you but I make no promises. Met me at headquarters in room #5026 at noon tomorrow and we'll talk."

"Th-" the phone went dead. "anks Dawn." he finished to no one. The wait was going to kill him.

The next morning he let out a big yawn. He had barely been able to sleep the night before, that was how nervous he was. And Em seemed to notice how nervous he was and gave him a long hug. He hugged her back tightly.

"You ready to go?" he asked her as they parted. She nodded they made their way to the car and he strapped her into her booster seat.

He got there early because of the sensitive nature of his conversation with Dawn, he wanted to have Willow watch Em while he spoke to Dawn. That way Dawn could speak her mind or yell at him all she wanted without Em being distressed at someone yelling at her Dad. He unstrapped her and they made their way inside of the building. Willow was waiting in the lobby. She smiled reassuringly at him.

"Nervous."she asked and he nodded.

"It'll be fine." she said in what was meant to be a reassuring voice, he didn't feel very reassured.

"Daddy do I have to go with her?" Em asked. Xander smiled apologetically at Willow. She was 5 she didn't exactly have much in the way of tact yet.

"Em." he said sharply. She looked at him and then back to Willow for a long moment.

"Sorry." she said her tone not exactly conveying what it was supposed to, she probably just said it because she knew she was supposed to, she looked nervous. Understandably so she had only met Willow a few days ago and this would be the first time she would be with Willow without him alone. He squatted down down to Em level.

"You'll be fine, you and Willow will have fun." she looked unsure.

"Promise?"he nodded.

"Yes." he affirmed. She still frowned, but she moved to Willow and looked at her nervously. Willow gave Em her best warming smile. She could melt glaciers with that smile and Xander could see the uneasiest melting off. Em put her hand in Willow's and they made their way to the elevator. Xander stayed back and watched as Em continued looking back at him over her shoulder until they were in the elevator, where she looked at him until the doors closed.

Xander watched the Elevator go up go up to the 15th floor, then he hit the call button and watched the elevator come back. When the door opened he slowly made his way into the elevator. He watched the numbers ascend as the elevator ascended as well. The doors opened, it was the same floor he had met Willow. It wasn't the same room though, it was a few rooms down from the other one. He came to the door and paused momentarily before nervously lifted his fist to the door.

"Come in." he heard Dawn's voice through the door he couldn't hear any discernible inflections in her voice. He put his hand on the handle and opened the door. Dawn didn't look up she was looking down at the dark wooded table, her eyes not visible. He sat down across from her still unable to see her eyes.

"Hello Dawn." he said softly.

"Xander." she said a bit stiffly, and unmoving. Xander cleared his thorat nervously.

"Look Dawn, I'm so sorry, I said we'd stay in touch and...I ended up lying. It's not something I purposely set out to do, but it happened and I am so, so, so, sorry." She looked up at him and she had tears in her eyes which tore at his soul.

"I am so, so, sorry." he said again.

"You promised." he had.

"I know, I'm so sorry."

"You promised." she said crying her body convulsing with the sobs she tried to suppress.

"I know I am so, so sorry." he wanted to hug her to comfort her, but he wasn't sure how Dawn would respond to that. As her body convulsed again he realized he just couldn't leave her there alone to cry, no matter how mad or hurt she was at him. He got up and crossed the distance between them quickly and swept her into a hug. She tried to fight him off for a few seconds but Xander held on, eventually she stopped and just sunk into his arms. She cried for awhile and Xander just held her. Running his hand gently over her back slowly in a soothing manner until she finally stopped. Even then she didn't pull away for awhile just continued to hug him.

After quite awhile she pulled away, she starred at him, he could still see the pain in her eyes the pain that he had put there. The pain he felt so bad about, but somehow he knew that now was not the time to apologize again. Instead he tried to convey the feeling of his sorrow about it in his eyes. Dawn nodded after a long moment.

"Alright I'll give a chance but you screw up one more time I swear we will never ever talk again." Xander nodded vigorously, he could live with that deal. Dawn smiled her eyes still teary.

"I really did miss you Xander."

"I really missed you too Dawn." Dawn hugged him again though this time wasn't nearly as sad and he hugged her tightly back.

Years later.

"Come on Dad." Em complained. Her long black hair pulled back into a pony tail. Her hands were on her hips.

"Nu-uh." Xander said with a shake of his head.

"What's the point of having Uncle Sam and Dean and Aunt Buffy, and train me if I'm never actually going to hunt anything?"

"So that when your 18 and I can no longer say what you can and can't do ,if you still decide you want to hunt then you can protect yourself, and if anything comes after you due to your connection to me."

"Come on Uncle Sam and Dean will be there, I mean it's hardly dangerous with you three big strong man...you being the strongest and bravest of them all." she said with a very sweet smile.

"Flattery will get you no where young woman."

"Please." she pleaded, she said using her best puppy dogs eyes pity for her he was nearly immune to them now.

"No."

"Fine."she said then stalked off.

"Teenagers." he said with a roll of his eyes.

The End

A/N: I hope you liked the story, and I want you all to know how much I've enjoyed everyone's reviews. And also let you know there is now a sequel called Em Harris.


	26. Sequel

This story now has a sequel called Em Harris. It's actually been up for a while, so you might have already read it, but I just realized that some people might not know about it because I just changed my last chapter and didn't add a new one. So if you are one of those people, sorry. If you've already read it then thank you :).


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